California Crossover
by Ira4
Summary: A case brings Amanda to LA, giving her a chance to reconnect with Nick.
1. Chapter 1

Rollaro is too wonderful to die and even though I doubt we'd get anything in season 17 (they will probably even say Nick had reconciled with Maria or something).

Even though the title has 19 letters, it takes place in season 17 ;) somewhere in the beginning.

I don't own the characters, so if SVU writes want to make this happen – they are more than welcome.

* * *

 **California Crossover**

* * *

"I talked to Liv, she wants us to find everything we can about this guy" Fin said looking at Amanda and then at Carisi "search every database we have for anything"

"We know this is a big case" Carisi replied "We're on it Fin"

They got a new case a couple of days ago, a rich kid raped two college students and the squad had to work hard. His family retained one of the top lawyers and it was clear that Barba was going to have a hard time in court. So they had to find every bit of information, anything that could help the case.

Carisi was checking financial history while Amanda was looking into his priors.

"Hey Fin" Amanda called and Fin turned his attention to her, together with Carisi "I found something, it's a sexual assault, but it was dropped a year ago"

"Dropped?" Fin walked to her desk "where?"

"In LA" she said "I have the name of the complainant and…" Amanda frowned as she checked the database "she's in prison, got five years for assault"

"Not the best character witness" Carisi commented.

"Do you want me to check it out? I can call the LAPD, see what they have to say" she offered.

"That's a start" Fin nodded "I'll ask Liv if she wants us to follow it"

"Ok" Amanda nodded and reached for the phone.

A while later Olivia and Fin were in her office and Amanda joined them "so I talked to the captain in LA" she said "he's from homicide and according to him one of his detectives made the arrest while he was investigating something completely unrelated, he said he'd be happy to help us if we need anything"

"You think we should talk to her?" Fin looked at Benson.

"Rollins" she raised her eyes at Amanda "call them back and tell them you'll be flying over there to talk to her, take an early flight tomorrow, we can't spare you for too long so come back as soon as you can, ok?"

"No problem sergeant" Amanda stepped out of the office and sat back down at her desk. She took a deep breath before making the call.

It's been months since Nick had moved to California and Amanda wondered if she'd have time to meet up with him.

She really wanted to see him.

* * *

The day after Nick got shot he woke up in the hospital room and it took him a moment to remember. For a few seconds everything was perfectly fine, he was just a man waking up in the morning to another ordinary day.

But he was injured, his knee got messes up pretty bad and the doctor said it would take a long time and a lot of physiotherapy to heal, even then, it might not get back to the way it was.

Nick's room was quiet, it was too early for the doctor's rounds or for visitors and he was still tired, the surgery has taken its toll on him. The painkillers were helping but they weren't able to sooth everything. At least he was alone, waking up from the surgery he was greeted by his squad members and his mother who wouldn't leave for hours. He needed the silence to think, what was he going to do now? So many things have changed lately, so many blows, not even counting the gun shots. When Liv told him he wasn't going to be a sergeant he felt so insecure about his future, taking the exam was his way to go back on track, let go of all of his previous mistakes and get ahead in the NYPD. But it was never going to happen, the brass didn't want to promote him. Now he felt even more uncertain of what lies ahead, he could handle the physiotherapy, but what if it doesn't work? What's going to happen if he won't make a full recovery?

Nick closed his eyes and tried to push those thoughts away, he had to remain hopeful, but a slight fear crept his way into his mind, his journey in the NYPD could be over.

* * *

"Hey"

Nick heard a voice and turned his head to meet those beautiful blue eyes he'd seen so many times before. It was after four PM and he got some sleep after convincing Cesaria to go home.

"Amanda" he smiled to her and watched as she sat down on the chair next to his bed "how are you doing?"

"Well, I haven't been shot" she raised her brows a little "so I guess I'm pretty good, how're you feeling?"

"Never better" Amanda shook her head slightly, rolling her eyes at him "ok, I feel like crap" he admitted.

"Being shot isn't as cool as it looks on TV ha?" she knew how it felt like, even though when she got shot it wasn't as bad as Nick's injury.

"Wouldn't recommend it" Nick winced with pain when he tried to sit up and Amanda gave him a worried look.

"Careful" she reached for his arm and grazed it for a second "you just had a major operation yesterday, you can rest for a few days, no one expects you to jump out of this bed and arrest a perp"

"I can't jump anyway" he sighed and looked at his knee.

"A ton of physiotherapy, ha?" she gave him a sympathetic smile.

"If I'm lucky, could have been better" he shrugged.

"You're gonna nail the physio" she moved a little closer to him "it's a bitch, but you'll be ok"

"Oh, you have any tips?" he asked.

"Push through it?" she let out a muffled laugh.

Nick joined the laughter and felt a little bad laughing about the thing that was going to help him.

"Dad?" both Nick and Amanda turned to look at the door and smiled at Gil who was standing in the entrance with Cynthia behind him.

"Gil, hey"

"Hello Nick" Cynthia walked in after the boy "we're not interrupting, right?"

"No, no" Amanda stood up, feeling a little awkward.

"This is detective Amanda Rollins, we work together" he looked at her "and I don't think you've met my son, Gil and Cynthia"

"Nice to meet you" Gil shook her hand and she smiled to him and then at Cynthia.

"I'm sorry if we're bothering you but I just got a call from work and I have to be there soon so we don't have much time" she sounded sincerely regretful.

"Mom!" Gil was upset, he was so scared when his mother told him Nick got shot he couldn't wait to talk to him.

"I can drive you here again tomorrow" she looked at her son.

"If it helps" Amanda said "he can stay here and I'll drive him home, I don't have to go back to work today so I can stay a while and take him there…if it helps"

"Please mom? I'll stay home until you're back from work" Gil looked at her, how could she say no to him?

"Only if it's not a bother" Cynthia looked at Amanda.

"Absolutely not" Amanda assured "I'd love to help"

"Ok" Cynthia kissed the top of Gil's head "I'll get going then, thank you" she looked at Amanda "and get better Nick, I'm glad you're safe"

"Thanks Cynthia" Nick said.

"I'll go get some coffee, I'll be back later" she wanted them to have some time alone, Gil looked scared about the possibility of not staying with his dad because Cynthia had to go to work. The boy was probably worried, his father was at the hospital, why wouldn't he be?

Amanda bought a cup of coffee and sat at the cafeteria. It wasn't her first time there but this time it was because of Nick.

He'd been shot.

It was the first time she really allowed it to sink in, to be sad about it. The moments after, the ride in the ambulance, waiting for the doctor to talk to her. During all of that time Amanda was detective Rollins, her partner was hurt and she had to stay professional, not let the emotions to take over her. It wasn't so easy but she kept it together. She kept it together even when she got home after the long hours at the hospital, it must have been the exhaustion that made her fall asleep on her couch right after she got back from the a walk with Frannie.

But now, sitting alone in the corner of the room, stirring the coffee, staring at the people walking and eating…now, she finally realized Nick could have died.

She almost lost him.

Amanda took a sip and tried to focus on the taste, not on the possibility of Nick dying. She had to get rid of the thought. Nick was alive, hurt, but alive. He will be alright in a while and things will be back to normal, some kind of normal, because they didn't really have a "normal" anyway.

She wasn't sure how long it'd been but after a while she was holding an empty cup and realized it was time to go back to Nick's room. She suddenly had the urge to see him, to prove to herself he was safe. He was alright.

"It's getting late" she heard Nick's voice, she stopped right by the door and eavesdropped "I'm going to call Amanda, you still have homework, you can visit me again whenever you want and I'll be out of here soon"

Amanda gave them another moment before stepping into the room

"I was just about to call you" Nick smiled "you sure it's ok?"

"Don't worry about it" she nodded "I'm happy to help"

"OK" Gil stood up "bye dad"

* * *

"You want something to drink?" Amanda offered as they made their way towards the exit.

"No, thank you detective" Gil replied

"Call me Amanda" she smiled.

It was the first time she actually met him. Amanda knew a lot though, the boy didn't have it easy, his mother's boyfriend was a drug dealer and used the kid in his business ventures. Amanda wasn't going to mention that to Gil, he was a polite and a nice boy. He looked a lot like Nick and she could see they loved each other. He was lucky to have a good father.

They drove in silence, Gil was clearly concerned so Amanda didn't want to disturb him, he needed to process all of this, he needed peace and quiet. They reached his house and Amanda stopped the car and looked at him. Gil was staring through the car window.

"Gil?" she asked softly.

"Can I ask you something?" he didn't look away from the window.

"Of course" she nodded and he looked at her.

"Have you ever been shot?"

Amanda was taken aback by the query but she wasn't going to lie to him, he wasn't a little kid and he had enough lies in his life anyway.

"Yes" she said "a few years ago" she touched her shoulder, just where the bullet had hit her that day.

"Did it hurt?" he asked.

"Yes, it did"

"A lot?" he continued.

"A lot"

"But you're ok now?"

"I am, and your dad will be too" she said, knowing why he asked this "I know you're worried"

Gil nodded and with no warning he had tears in his eyes. Amanda was surprised by his reaction, she did not expect that.

"Hey" she gently touched his shoulder "listen to me, your dad, he is one of the strongest people I know, and he will be fine, he will be back on his feet in no time, I'm sure of that"

The boy raised his brown eyes at her and for a moment it felt like she was looking into Nick's eyes, telling him it will all work out.

Tears kept on pouring out of his eyes and without saying anything he walked out of the car. Amanda didn't want to just let him go like this so she followed him quickly.

"Gil" he turned to her but his eyes were glued to the sidewalk "listen" she kneeled in front of him "it will be ok, I promise"

"Maybe now" he said quietly and looked at her "we're moving away" she nodded, Nick had already told her about this "what if it happens again and I'm not here? And I won't get to say goodbye? What if he…gets hurt when I'm in San Diego and this is the last time I see him? I won't even get to say goodbye!" Amanda shook her head and hugged him. It was the only thing that she could do, of course Gil was afraid of loosing his father. This was a dangerous job and Gil knew that, he already visited his father at the hospital before, the day he was shot through his bulletproof vest and now this…

He was afraid to lose him.

* * *

"Amanda…" Nick slowly made his way to the couch, he insisted on taking care of the dishes, a little tired of everyone trying to help him, there were things he was capable of doing and washing dishes was one of them.

"Thanks for stopping by" he sat down next to her, placing the crutches on the floor "I appreciate the company" one of them hit his leg and he let out a frustrated grunt "still got to learn to use these"

"Was I right or was I right? About the physiotherapy" she moved the crutches out of the way.

"You were hundred percent right" he nodded "it sucks"

"But it will help" she gestured at her shoulder.

"Yeah?" Nick reached out and grazed her shoulder through the fabric of her simple cotton shirt. She looked at his fingers, merely inches away from her and he touched her again, this time it lasted longer, he moved his hand up until he touched her skin. He wasn't thinking, he just wanted to feel her, feel that soft skin. He never told her, but there was something about having his hands on her bare skin, a sensation he could never explain, but it always felt right, even when it was complicated and unclear.

"Nick" he removed his hand the moment his name slipped out of her lips.

"I'm sorry I…" he apologized, she came by once in a while ever since he'd been released from the hospital and he was grateful for that, Amanda may have been concerned about him, but she was cool about the situation. Not smothering him with 'be carefuls' and 'let me do thats'.

"No I…" she smiled "eh…is Gil coming by this weekend?" she changed the subject.

"They are flying to San Diego to check out places so no" Nick shrugged "do you want to come and watch the game?"

"How's he doing?" Amanda asked "with the move and all that?"

"Fine I guess, he's not talking much about it so I don't really know" he sighed, Zara was thrilled to talk to him, seeing he was alright and Maria promised to bring her over for a visit the next time she visits her parents in DC. But Gil was quiet, he talked about things at school but didn't say almost anything about San Diego, most of his information came from Cynthia.

Amanda looked away, thinking about the day she drove Gil home, his tears about not saying goodbye to his dad. She wasn't sure whether she should mention it to Nick. It wasn't hard for her to understand the boy, he was worried about his father, he loved him. All of the sudden she knew what was the right thing, what he had to do.

"I was wrong" she whispered.

Nick gave her a puzzled look, not sure what she was referring to.

"When you first told me Gil was moving to California…" she told him it could be best for the kid 'what I should have said…I should have told you to go"

"What?" what was she talking about?

Amanda stood up abruptly "Nick, you have to go there too"

"What?" he reached for the crutches, afraid she'd disappear without explaining herself.

"You need to be with your family Nick, with your children, they need you" he was standing in front of her and looked straight into those blue eyes, he couldn't read her.

She could selfishly tell him he belonged in New York, with her. She could tell him they would figure things out and make thing work, somehow. But instead of these words Amanda saw Gil crying, thinking he might lose his father. She knew how it felt and she couldn't let Gil go through that, he didn't deserve it. Being a good father was always important to Nick and he told her he wasn't taking the sergeant exam.

"Do you have a reason to stay?" she asked and shook her head, not waiting for a response from him, what was he going to say anyway? He had his mother but she didn't need him, the job was a dead end…and her…she wasn't really sure what they were to each other. They couldn't really be anything serious if they were working together, breaking the rules. She couldn't deny that she wanted more, she wanted things between them to be good, to be real. But he had other priorities, he had to have them.

So she had to lose him.

"You need to move to California" she said quietly before leaving.

* * *

Amanda was sitting in the airport, waiting for her flight. She wasn't even going to spend the night in LA, she was supposed to get back later that evening. She stared at her phone, trying to compose a text. What should she send him? It was just a text and she was acting like this was the beginning of a novel, no one was going to think about it, only one person would read it.

 _I'll be in LA for work today, u have time to meet up?_

It will have to do. So she sent it.


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you all for the reviews, they really keep me going : ) and_ _EllieJayde, no, I'm not on twitter, I doubt it has the power to bring back Rollaro anyway, SVU writers don't know what's best._

 _I really hated the way Nick left, so in this fic he's life in LA is pretty good, not rainbows and unicorns kind of good, but as you'll find out in this chapter (and the next ones) he's doing alright._

 _Hope you'll like this chapter, let me know._

* * *

 _I'll be in LA for work today, u have time to meet up?_

Nick stared at his phone, it was early and the sound of the incoming text woke him up. He was surprised to see Amanda's name appear on his phone. They were keeping in touch, talking once in a while but the few times he had visited New York they kept on missing each other.

 _I'll be in LA for work today, u have time to meet up?_

It was just a short line but he read it over and over, as if it would reveal another layer, like the letters would dance and turn into something else.

He was about to reply with a simple 'yes' or 'I'd love to' but instead he dialed her number.

"Hey" she replied after a couple of rings, sounding somewhat surprised by this call.

"You're flying over here?" he asked knowing it was a silly question, she just texted him that.

"I'm at the gate, we're boarding soon" she let him know.

"I'd love to see you, how about dinner?" he offered, sitting up in his bed.

"I don't think I'm gonna have time for dinner, but maybe a quick lunch? I have to get to the station and after that to interview an inmate, then I'm flying back here"

"Busy schedule" he smiled to himself, he remembered the long hours, always hurrying somewhere.

"Yeah, things are crazy with…" she almost said that things were hard without him, they were a man down and it's not like there was any less work to do. But Amanda kept that part to herself, he didn't need to know it.

"I understand, I'll do my best to meet you when you get the chance, it would be great… call me when you're free?"

"Yeah, I'll let you know what's going on" Amanda's heard something about her flight and realized she had to say goodbye "my flight's boarding so I better go, I'll call you"

"I can't wait to see you" he said before she hung up, not sure if she heard him. Nick rested his head on the pillow and smiled, it was true, he really wanted to see her.

Nick stared at the ceiling, thinking about Amanda and the conversation they just had, it was a little awkward, they didn't say much to each other but she was on her way to California and he would finally get to see her. He closed his eyes and tried to picture her beautiful face, it's been so long since he's laid his eyes on her and even though it could never happen, sometimes he felt like he was forgetting the way she looked, the spark in her bright eyes, they way she rolled them, her sassy remarks, they way her skin felt under his fingers, under his tongue… Nick sat upright, what was he thinking about? He had to control himself so he decided to get out of bed and take a shower, a cold one.

Nick gently rubbed his knee before he got up, the physiotherapy has helped and he was strong enough, didn't need a cane or anything to help him walk. But it wasn't the same, he couldn't run for a long time and sometimes it hurt with no apparent reason, his doctor said he was lucky, it could have been a lot worse.

Nick didn't feel so lucky, after all, he would have felt better if he hadn't been shot, if his career wasn't screwed up. This was not his plan, to start over at this point in his life. He was supposed to be a family man, live with his wife and children, get ahead at work.

Instead he found himself moving to a new state after retiring due to his injury. The money would be enough if it was just him but Nick had to pay child support for his two kids and he couldn't get by on just three quarters of his old salary, even if it was tax free. He had to find a job, something that would be easy on his knee and would allow him time with his kids. Nick remembered the conversation, or argument, he had with Maria when she told him about her move to LA, she said he'd have options there while he though he'd get just a crappy security job, he was capable of more. So he was a little upset when he was offered work in that field, turning down some of them. He was getting frustrated and the only thing that made him feel better was spending time with Zara and Gil.

But his luck was about to change.

He was sent to an interview for yet another security job, it was a part time gig which meant a lot of free time, something that Nick wanted. He had some trouble hiding his lack of enthusiasm, he wanted to do more than just sit and watch a monitor. He was about to get his wish, almost.

"Nick Amaro? Come on in" the man opened the door for Nick "I'm Michael Kaplan" he shook Nick's hand and gestured at an armchair in his office.

Michael was the owner of a small startup company, truth be told, Nick wasn't sure what their program was doing, but from the looks of the place they were successful. They owned the entire building, it was only two stories high but looked good, much better than the building SVU was located at, and every room was an improvement from the squad room, specially the kitchen.

To his surprise Nick actually liked Michael, he expected him to be this arrogant guy, he's met enough of people like that. But instead of a boring interview he was accustomed to, they had a long chat, talked about New York, California, the NYPD, family. Michael was married and had a child on the way so the mention of children excited him and he asked Nick for parenting advice.

So he got the job, it was more than advertised, Michael offered Nick to be head of security, it still meant watching the monitors, but he'd be in charge of a few guys, handle any security britches (Nick was promised there wouldn't by any) the hours were good and the money wasn't bad. He even got a nice office.

Finally things were getting better.

Nick stepped out of the shower and got dressed. The water didn't wash away Amanda's image from his brain. Damn, he wanted to see her. He hated the fact she only had a few hours in LA, she had to spend most of it working so they would probably have the chance to grab lunch, nothing more, not enough. Did he even have a right to ask for more? And what was this _'more'_ exactly?

Nick made himself breakfast, having more time on his hands he developed hobbies, a bit of cooking, a few home improvement projects. His life did not revolve around his job anymore and now that the pros exceeded the cons he welcomed the change.

Still, he couldn't help feeling bad about the way he left some things in New York, like he could have done a better job tying up the loose threads. One thread in particular, his relationship with Amanda.

* * *

Amanda slept through most of the flight. Nick's call caught her off guard and she didn't want to dwell on it and sleeping was a better way to pass the time. She wanted to see him, more than she was willing to admit, but she was nervous about it with all those months that had passed, what if it would be weird? Awkward? Like it had been after their fight, when they couldn't find the words to say to each other. But it was a completely different situation, she hurt him that night, mostly his ego probably, but still, she was the one to blame. It has been so long and Amanda hated thinking about it now. It would be ok, they will talk, catch up, hang out for a short time. They were friends, why was she overthinking about this?

When Amanda opened her eyes she was happy to see the 'fasten your seat belts' sign on, the plane was going to land shortly and she couldn't wait to be there.

"Detective Reynolds?" Amanda walked to a young man who had a small sign with her name on it, she was told he'd meet her at the airport.

"Yes" he gave her a wide smile "detective Rollins?"

"Yeah" she nodded "nice to meet you"

"It's a pleasure" he shook her hand "how was the flight?"

"It was fine" she followed him to the exit.

"You're hungry? We can stop and grab something to eat on the way to the station" he offered.

"It's alright, I'm on a tight schedule so the sooner I get to talk to her the better"

"No worries" he glanced at her and smiled again "you need help with your bag or anything?"

"I think I can manage" Amanda chuckled, she wasn't staying long but she still packed a change of clothes, not that it was heavy "but thanks"

Detective Reynolds seemed to be in his mid twenties and Amanda had to wonder how he'd gotten to homicide so fast, detectives usually started in other departments. But it wasn't her business, she was there to interview someone, not to wonder about the LAPD internal affairs.

"So what's the deal with your investigation?" he asked as he drove away.

"We're looking into a rape, we're trying to gather everything we can, even if the charges were dropped" she told him "what can you tell me about her arrest?"

"Nothing other than what's in the file, my partner was the one who made it, we've been working together for about a year but I wasn't there that day"

They drove in silence for a couple of minutes before detective Reynolds spoke again "must be a big case if you flew all the way here just to talk to her"

"It is, I don't know how much this is going to help but…" she shrugged.

"That's the nature of the job I guess, a lot of buts" he glanced at her "and asses"

Amanda laughed "you've been a detective long enough to find that out?"

"I think a week is enough, but to answer your question I've been a detective for about a year, and to answer your next question, yes, I started at homicide, I have some connections, my father works in city hall so why not use him"

"Ok" she was surprised by his honesty, people in law enforcement weren't usually keen on sharing the use of connections to get ahead. Maybe he didn't bother hiding it from anyone, maybe it was her being an outsider, either way, it wasn't her business.

"You've ever been in LA before?" he asked.

"First time, but I'm not going to have time for sightseeing, unless the prison is something special"

"Ha!" he chuckled "we're almost there"

* * *

Reynolds led her into the station and she followed him to the captain's office.

"Detective Rollins, I presume" the man who's been sitting at the desk got up "I'm captain Charles, it's very nice to meet you"

"You too captain" she shook his hand with a smile.

"And this is detective Moore" he gestured at the other man who nodded "he's the man you need to refer all your questions to"

"I'm happy to help" Moore stood up slowly "I'll drive you to the prison whenever you're ready"

"How about now? Wouldn't want to take up too much of your time" Amanda replied "just show me where I can leave my stuff"

Detective Moore was an older man, and Amanda guessed he's been in homicide for a very long time resulting in what could be a pretty interesting partnership between him and Reynolds. He smiled as they walked to his car but Amanda could guess he wasn't thrilled about her being there, he probably preferred working on open investigation than taking her to visit an inmate, but the captain insisted on it.

"So what happened?" she asked him.

"You read the file" he kept his eyes on the road "I was looking for a suspect and heard a commotion, the girl was shouting and hitting another girl, I tried to stop them but she got furious and picked a of wood from the ground and hit me with it…I arrested her and filed charges, the girl she hit complained to and the DA ended up offering her a deal, she got five years, c'est tout"

"She wasn't talking about the fight?" there was nothing about that in the file.

"Offered no explanation, not that it would help, you can't assault an officer like that" he finally glanced at Amanda "the other girl said she was attacked out of the blue…I don't know what was going on there"

Kate Caron, that was her name. She was a college student who wasn't going to finish her degree anytime soon. Amanda couldn't find much about her, her record was squeaky clean, until she assaulted that woman and the detective. But it seemed to Amanda that it all started after she dropped those sexual assault charges. There were some changes in her financial status, she was spending more money, even though none came in. Something felt wrong about this whole thing.

Moore wasn't interested in talking after that and they'd been driving in silence until his phone rang. He accepted the call and put it on speaker.

"Yeah captain" Moore said.

"Detectives" Amanda heard his voice "I hope you haven't gotten too far away yet because I just got a call from the prison, Ms. Caron was stabbed half an hour ago"

"Stabbed?" Amanda frowned at the detective.

"Yes, he assured me she'd be fine, she's being treated at the infirmary but you won't be able to talk to her today"

"For god's sake! We're half way there" Moore sounded pissed "if she's not at the hospital I'm sure we can talk to her today"

"I'm afraid that's not happening, I'm sorry detective Rollins, you can talk to her tomorrow morning"

"You know what happened? Why was she stabbed?" Amanda asked.

"I'm afraid not, it's a low security prison, something like this hasn't happened there for a long time, they are even more shocked than detective Moore. I'll see you when you get back to the station"

"Crap!" Moore cursed and turned the car around "don't take this personally, but this has been a waste of time"

"Waste of time or not, I'm more concerned about her being hurt"

"I guess being hit in the back by that girl made me a little indifferent towards her" he snorted.

Amanda's suspicion only grew stronger now, was this a coincidence? She had to let her squad know but decided to wait until she'd be alone.

When they arrived to the station Amanda excused herself and found a quiet spot to make that call.

"Stabbed?" Fin asked.

"Aha, the captain said we could talk to her tomorrow, apparently it's not that serious" she leaned on the wall, would they want her to stay in LA or give up and get back to New York. Amanda wanted to stay, she had to put the suspicions to rest.

"Wait a sec" Fin said and she could hear muffled sounds, he was probably walking to Benson's office "you're on speaker" he said after a few minutes "Kate Caron was stabbed" she heard him say to Olivia.

"I can talk to her tomorrow" she repeated "the captain doesn't know what happened, it seems strange"

"You're right and we don't have a choice" Olivia said "postpone your flight and get a hotel room, drive over there first thing tomorrow"

"Ok, I'll call you in the morning with an update" she said and hung up.

Not even five seconds later she received a message from Fin 'say hi to Amaro for me' Amanda chuckled and placed the phone in her back pocket.

"Looks like I'm gonna be making that trip tomorrow" she let the detectives and the captain know "but I'm just gonna rent a car and drive over there by myself"

"If you need anything we'd be happy to assist" the captain smiled.

"Thank you for your help" she said.

"If you need a hotel" Moore scribbled something on a piece of paper and handed it to her "this is not a bad place"

"Thanks" she looked at it and went to grab her bag from the locker she was given.

"Rollins" Amanda heard her name and turned around to see detective Reynolds "looks like you're gonna have time for sightseeing now"

"Yeah, but honestly, I'm too tired, with flying and driving around…"

"I understand, just thought you could use your time here for some fun, our job doesn't allow us too much of that"

"You're right" she nodded "but I'm gonna pass, thanks anyway"

"No problem" he left and Amanda said goodbye to the others, promising to update them after her talk with Kate.

* * *

She placed her bag on the floor in the hotel room and lay down on the bed. She was tired, it wasn't even that late but it has been a long day for her.

Amanda grabbed her phone and found Nick's name in her contacts list. She stared at his name for a moment, her lips curved into a smile just thinking about seeing him. But an uneasy feeling crept into her mind, it has been so long, how would it feel like seeing him? What would they talk about, his life in LA and hers in New York, the miles between them? There was something she could tell him but maybe he wouldn't want to know…

Amanda dialed and she could hear his smile through the phone.

"I was worried you wouldn't call" he said "it's a little late, you'll have time before your flight?"

"Things are a little messy" she didn't want to get into details "so I'm staying here until tomorrow"

"Oh" Nick tried to stop smiling, a complication in the investigation wasn't a good thing "so you want to grab dinner? I'll pick you up"

"I'd love that" she gave him the name of the hotel "I'm gonna take a shower, call me when you're here, I'll meet you outside"

"Ok, I'll see you soon then"

"See you soon"

Amanda showered quickly and got dressed, good thing she brought a change of clothes. She tried to calm down, realizing her heart was beating a tad faster. Why was she so excited? She was just meeting a friend. That's all…the phone buzzed, it was Nick. Amanda wasn't a fourteen years old girl, but she felt like a boy was picking her up for the first date ever, all that's missing was a tough father to threaten the boy. Amanda let out a bitter laugh, her dad never cared enough.

* * *

Nick was leaning on his car, knowing she's never seen the vehicle before. He'd been waiting for her call for a long time, he wasn't going to interrupt by calling, she had to focus on work, but he needed to hear her voice. He'd been distracted at work, thinking about her, Amanda said she wouldn't have a lot of free time so he tried to think of something she'd really like.

He couldn't control his grin when he saw her walking out of the door, she was gorgeous as always, she was looking down when she stepped into the street but raised her head and the moment she saw him her grin matched his.

"Hey" she said when she stood in front of him.

"Hi"

The instant Amanda laid her eyes on Nick all the previous doubts, questions, all the uncertainties were gone. She was so close to him and it almost felt unreal, after all these months apart he was there, she was there.

"Hey" she said again and Nick's grin widened.

"Hi" he repeated as well "hope you're hungry" he opened the door for her and she nodded.

* * *

Nick wanted them to be alone so he parked the car close to a park he often took Zara to, there was a great food truck nearby and Nick knew she'd like that.

"Hope you're hungry" he said while they were standing in line.

"Starving, I only had a doughnut in the airport so this better be good"

"Trust me" he took a step forward "it is"

He ordered them the food but refused to give her the sandwich until they'd get to a certain stop at the park.

"Hunger is stronger than trust you know" she rolled her eyes at him, she wasn't kidding about the starving part.

"It's close, don't worry" Nick liked the hint of desperation in her voice, not because he wanted her to suffer but because it meant she wasn't trying to act differently, she was being herself, not trying to put up a show.

"Here it is" he pointed on a big rock and they walked towards it.

Amanda smiled at him, there was a small grass plot surrounded by trees and rocks, it was quiet and completely secluded, a place you wouldn't have guessed existed.

"It's beautiful" she said "but now give me my food"

They sat down and leaned their backs on the biggest rock. Nick handed her one of the sandwiches and after taking a bite she gave him an approving nod.

"How'd you find this place?" she asked before taking another.

"We were playing baseball not too far and the ball flew in this direction, Gil ran after it and called Zara and me to see this so it became our secret hiding place in a way"

"And you shared it with me? I'm flattered" she only had two bites of her food and was still very hungry, but sitting like that with Nick distracted her from that "so you get to spend a lot of time with Zara and Gil?"

"Yeah" Nick nodded and his eyes lit up a little "they are getting closer, now that they are living in the same state. I drive to San Diego once a week and he usually spends every other weekend here so he gets to see his sister a lot, they care about each other"

"That's great" she touched his shoulder and her fingers lingered.

"We were here a few weeks ago and Zara tripped" he looked at Amanda "Gil rushed to her, helped her up, made sure she was ok"

"He's a good big brother" she wanted to add 'just like his father' but she wasn't sure what's been going on between Nick and his younger sister "they are each other's family and I'm sure they love having you near…they are great kids"

"Thank you"

Amanda took another bite "this is so good, I might take yours if you're not going to eat it"

"We can go get more if you want" he offered.

"Actually" she said "I don't really feel like moving" their eyes met and he contemplated kissing her, he wanted to taste her lips, feel her closer.

But he decided not to, they were having a good time, why complicate things? "I'd love to share my sandwich with you" he purposely took a big bite of it and Amanda frowned at him.

"That's mine" she pulled it from his hands and took a bite "yours is better!" she said with a full mouth and tried not to laugh so she wouldn't choke.

"Here" she gave him back his food and they finished eating quietly.

"You want to have a drink?" he asked "unless you're too tired"

"No" she shook her head a little overly excited "I'd love to…another secret place you know?"

* * *

It was a small bar but they weren't the only people there, which wasn't a surprise, but disappointed Amanda a little bit.

He ordered them drinks, and gestured at a small stage "they have a great singer here, I think you'd like the music"

"You come here a lot?" she asked, wondering if he ever brought anyone else with him, she felt a tinge of jealousy at the thought of Nick sitting on this stool looking at another woman with those warm eyes of his.

"Not a lot, but once in a while, I have a lot of free time on my hands so it's nice to spend it out of the house"

"Free time?" she frowned "what's that?"

Nick chuckled "I don't think you're familiar with the concept"

"So what else do you do, besides bar hopping?"

"Things at the house…renovations, you could say"

"You use power tools?" her eyes widened a little and Nick laughed.

They heard clapping and a woman made her way to the stage, she greeted the crowd and started singing. Her voice was smoky and soothing, changing the atmosphere in the room. She was singing about love, but Amanda couldn't really make out the words. The dim light, the music, Nick so close to her…

Amanda's glass was empty and she noticed Nick's was too. She touched his cheek and he looked at her, deep into her eyes. She leaned in, moving slowly, almost to the rhythm of the music, all thoughts were gone, all the reasons, pros and cons, they all disappeared. She closed her eyes, letting her heart take control of her body. Her lips touched his and she couldn't pull away, Nick's hand gently touched her chin and then his lips left hers, moving to her ear.

"Let's get out of here" he whispered.


	3. Chapter 3

_I'm so glad you like this fic, your comments always make me smile._

* * *

Amanda wanted nothing more than to get out of the bar and be alone with Nick, she nodded and he kissed her cheek, caressing the other one with his fingers. Amanda closed her eyes again, it felt so good to be next to him, to be touched by him.

He leaned his forehead against hers "come on" his voice was low and he kissed her lips again.

Amanda got off of the stool feeling a little lightheaded, she only had one drink so it definitely wasn't the alcohol's doing, it was the way Nick made her feel. She allowed herself to get lost in that, ignore everything that's been keeping them apart - the miles – they were mere inches now, and when her lips touched his – there was no distance at all.

Nick entwined his fingers with hers and they walked outside, greeted by the evening air. He didn't let her go and she moved closer to him as they walked towards the car. He smiled at her before taking the driver's seat. But he didn't turn the engine on, he needed to kiss her first, taste her. Nick pulled her into him, kissing her with urgency and desperation, like she might disappear into thin air if he lets her go. Amanda pushed him backwards so his body was pressed against the seat, his fingers entangled in her hair, ruffling it up. He had to let her go when his lungs were screaming for oxygen, she was breathing heavily too but in between inhaling and exhaling she managed to tell him to start the car.

The drive seemed to last forever and the glances they kept throwing at each over did nothing to help, causing Nick to almost miss the turn to his street.

"This is it" he parked the car and she looked at the small house "it's pretty old and a little far, but I don't think it's such a bad thing"

"It looks nice" she smiled.

"Come on" Nick opened the car's door and waited for her to walk towards him so he could put his hand on the small of her back as he guided her inside the house.

Nick found the light switch and the room lit up, revealing a decent sized kitchen and a nice living room.

"It's not very big but it's enough, the kids don't sleep here too often so their room is probably the tidiest"

"I'm sure you could eat from the floor in every room" she smirked "I know you"

"I'm not gonna make you do that" he moved closer to her "you want anything?"

Amanda shook her head, she wasn't hungry any longer, but her throat was dry "maybe something to drink?"

Nick walked to the kitchen and opened his fridge "I have orange juice" he looked up at her, leaving the door open "or water"

"What, no Explosivo?" she made a disgusted face and walked to him, glancing inside the fridge. There were still two cans back at the SVU squad room, somewhere in the back of the fridge. It was silly but Amanda couldn't bring herself to get rid of them, as if she kept them there for him. Like one day he'd walk to the fridge and grab one, as if he had never left.

"I can't believe Nick Amaro doesn't have his signature drink" she exclaimed "or are you just out?"

"For your information" he took out the juice and closed the door "I don't drink that stuff anymore" he poured her a glass, ignoring the doubtful look on her face "I get enough sleep so I don't need it to keep me up"

"Unfortunately I still drink a lot of coffee" she admitted and took a couple of sips.

"Not much has changed then" he grinned.

Actually there was a big change, but Amanda didn't want to ruin the moment, she wanted to keep staring into these playful eyes of his. He was so serious most of the time that it was easy to forget this joyful and daring expression of his. When he was away from work and allowed himself to calm down, that Nick had such an influence on her, it was actually almost like coffee, only much, much better. He woke her up, as if something was spreading in her blood system, in her nerves. That smile and her brain would send a signal to every part of her body that something was going on, from her head to her toes, she was alert.

Amanda licked her lower lip, tasting the remains of the juice but really wanting to taste his lips again, what was she waiting for?

Nick recognized her expression, the twinkle in her eyes, it sent shivers down his spine and god, how he wanted to touch hers, feel her arch her back, see her eyes shut because she couldn't control them.

They were inches apart, eyes glued on each other, trying to vanish the little thoughts about how wrong this could be, about how she was returning to New York tomorrow, how…

They both managed to silence the nagging voices and allowed their lips to connect. It was like a jolt of electricity but they didn't pull away, she let him take control and welcomed his tongue, enjoying the sensation. Her whole body was on fire when Nick's hands joined in, pulling her to him and traveling down her back. Amanda was unaware of her actions, she wasn't sure whether her hands were on the nape of his neck, on his back or on his hips. The feeling of Nick's mouth, tongue, arms on her was incredible and she didn't care about anything else.

Somehow he'd managed to pull her even closer, pressing her body against his. They cursed the need to breath but didn't delve much on it as their lips met again, this time with more force and passion. Nick's hands moved lower until he reached her butt so he could pick her up. Amanda responded by wrapping her legs around him and he moved towards the bedroom, trying very hard not to bump into anything and not to part from her sweet mouth for too long.

He turned on the light in the bedroom which forced him to remove his left hand from her body and Amanda clung tighter to his neck.

Nick lowered her to the bed and let his eyes move up and down her form. Seeing her in his bedroom reminded him how much he's been missing her, the better times they'd shared. It wasn't just the sex, it was being close to her, knowing he could talk to her and that she would offer solace by just being there. He hated how it had been ruined, how a few bad decisions ended up with them being in a perpetual state of limbo, wanting so much to return to what once was, but how could they – when neither knew exactly what it had been or how to get there.

She looked so beautiful, staring at him with flushed cheeks, messy hair, lips curved into a sexy smile. Every last bit of hesitation was erased by this smile, they were both adults, they weren't breaking any rules. They were no longer Rollins and Amaro – they were Amanda and Nick, two people who wanted this, even if _this_ was just for now.

He sat down next to her and kissed her again, softer this time, wanting to make it last. But Amanda parted from his lips "it works better with our clothes off" she hissed.

"Yeah? I must have forgotten" he captured her lips again for a quick kiss "I'll let you remind me" with his body he pushed her down on the bed and his lips traveled to her neck, while his fingers moved to her blouse, working on the buttons.

When their little affair started all that time ago, they were almost fighting for control, each wanted to be in charge, to set the pace. But right now Amanda couldn't care less about that, she happily let Nick take the reins. She closed her eyes, letting her hands fall on the bed. The slow movement felt so good she wasn't going to prod him to hurry up even though she wanted more.

Nick could feel her chest heaving under his mouth and fingers, he was half way done with the buttons, struggling a bit with a few of them, the taste of her skin was distracting. But he made it to the last one and focused his attention on her belly button, eliciting a soft giggle from her.

"Nick" she muttered and he moved lower, unzipping her pants and pulling them down slowly, caressing her smooth legs. She still had her shoes on and he sat down on the floor next to her to take them off and rid her of the pants completely. Once her legs were bare Nick worked on his shoes giving Amanda time to sit up and realize he was completely dressed. She removed her blouse, throwing it on the floor and got off the bed so she could straddle him, capturing his lips with her own. Nick reached behind her and unhooked her bra, removing it quickly. She let go of his mouth and he raised his arms to help her take off his shirt. She smiled looking at his chest, he was clearly still going to the gym. Amanda ran her hands up and down the bare skin, feeling his strong muscles under her palms. She let her mouth connect with his neck while her fingers moved between them to his belt.

Nick really wanted to move this back to the bed but he wasn't sure he could stand up with her mouth and hands all over him. Her need to remove his pants ended up solving the dilemma when she moved a little to pull them down. She struggled a little and removed her hands from the fly.

"You said something about no clothes, right?" he said playfully unzipping and taking his pants off, standing up once he was freed of them "come here" he extended a hand to pull her up.

They stood in front of each other with goofy grins on their faces "I don't mind standing here staring at you" she leaned into him "but what I really want…" instead of finishing the sentence she let her hand sneak into his boxers rubbing against him and using her other hand to take them off. Nick helped her out with the task and once he was completely naked her hand was on him again.

Nick was so aroused everything seemed fuzzy, but he got the hint and pushed her down on the bed, moving on top of her. He knew what she craved for but decided she'd have to be patient a little while longer. She let out a frustrated groan when his mouth once again slowly worked its way down her body, stopping to tease her breasts using his fingers and lips.

She pulled him up to her mouth and turned them around, not wanting to wait anymore. She gave him a peck and removed her underwear before getting on top of him.

He thought she looked so beautiful straddling him his heart skipped a beat, or maybe it was the fact she guided him inside of her, letting a deep sigh escape her lips. She leaned forward and kissed him, moving slowly up and down. It was Nick's turn to switch positions and she didn't protest, panting as he thrust harder into her. The sound drove Nick crazy and he almost lost control, lust has taken over him completely. He was pretty sure there was nothing but the two of them in the entire universe and he couldn't care less, he wanted them to stay like this, their bodies connected, pleasure running through them.

"Amanda…" he murmured, not sure what he wanted to say, not sure what he was feeling. He just had to call her name.

Amanda wasn't thinking straight herself, he was moving faster and she was on the brink of ecstasy "you feel so good Nick" she mumbled, barely able to breathe "don't stop"

He wasn't going to, at this point his body was in charge and he knew he wouldn't last much longer, being inside of her, her legs wrapped around him, her fingers digging into his back, it was too incredible. Her body convulsed underneath him and Nick pushed himself into her with every last bit of force he had left, bringing them both to a climax.

He rolled off her after what could have been a minute or an hour, his mind went blank after the orgasm and he couldn't tell, it took him a moment to remember his own name. Nick was on his back, waiting for the room to stop spinning, he had one hand resting on Amanda's abdomen, moving up and down as she breathed heavily.

He tried to decide whether mind blowing was the right description, but mind blowing didn't even begin to describe whatever just occurred between them. She placed her palm over his and he turned to her, finally regaining control of his body.

He caressed her cheek and moved a few stray strands of hair away from her face, her eyes were closed but she smiled when his fingers grazed her skin.

"Mmmm…" she mumbled "I'm…so..."

He waited for her to continue but she turned her head a little and remained silent. Nick chuckled a few seconds later, realizing she has fallen asleep. It has been a long day for her and Nick liked the fact he helped her end it on a high note. He covered Amanda with the blanket and softly kissed her forehead, not wanting to wake her up but needing to touch her skin again. Nick rested his head on the pillow and looked at her face, her features were so soft, relaxed. She looked like she belonged there, like this bed belonged to her too, like this was their bedroom. He wanted it to be.

He closed his eyes, hoping sleep will ease this craving.

* * *

Amanda stretched a little in the bed, rubbing her eyes before letting them flutter open. Nick was asleep next to her and she smiled remembering the previous night. She always liked waking up next to him, even though he was usually the first to get up so she rarely got the opportunity to see him like this.

She felt well rested, Nick's bed was comfortable, or maybe it was the fact he was there. She banished the thought of waking up next to him again, she was returning to New York later today and he was staying in California. He had a good life here, he was close to his kids, where he belonged.

When she kissed him at the bar she knew it would only be one night. She couldn't waste time thinking about missing him, she could do that when she's back home, right now they were next to each other. Amanda moved closer to him, he was lying perfectly still on his back and she pressed her lips to his shoulder. She was about to get up when he stirred and opened his eyes.

"Hey" he said softly and smiled at her.

"I Didn't mean to wake you up" she said and rested her head back on the bed, looking at him.

He turned to check the small clock on the bedside table "it's five a.m." he let her know, but decided not to add anything about the time difference, they could pretend New York wasn't real for a while longer.

"You look good" she said after a few seconds of lying in front of each other quietly.

"Are you calling me handsome?" he raised his brows.

"No" she sounded absolutely serious.

"No?" he acted insulted.

"That's not what I'm talking about" she chuckled "I'm saying that you look happy, here I mean"

Nick didn't respond, yes, he was happy in Los Angeles but he could be happier. He was feeling pretty good now, with her next to him.

"You want to go back to sleep?" he asked but she shook her head.

"If I'm already up maybe it's best if I get ready, I have a long day ahead"

They had to make the best of the time they had left together and Nick wasn't ready to say goodbye yet "how about breakfast then? I'll make you something" he offered.

"Is that another one of your new hobbies?" he shrugged slightly "you don't mind if I take a shower first, right?" her lips curved into a devilish grin "you can join me if you want, I'll need a tour of the shower anyway…"

He wasn't going to decline "only if you promise no to fall asleep afterwards" he winked and she blushed a little.

* * *

"So should I expect something really fancy?" Amanda was leaning against one of the kitchen counters, she was already dressed, her hair up in a pony tale, still damp from their very pleasant shower.

"Don't get overly excited" he warned, taking out eggs and vegetables from the fridge "you get an omelet"

"That's still better than what I'd have at home" she shrugged.

Nick smiled to himself thinking about Amanda's terrible breakfast habits "make yourself useful" he handed her a cutting board "you might learn something"

"Very funny" she took out a knife and grabbed a tomato "is this how you treat all of your guests? Make them help you out in the kitchen?"

"I'm a terrible host" he placed a pan on the stove and glanced at her, he couldn't keep away the thought of how right this scene was, spending the morning together, making breakfast. But they both knew this was a one night thing and the night was over, so why pretend this was going to last?

"You need me to drive you back to the hotel later?" he kept his attention on the pan, watching the eggs coagulate.

"I'm not going back there right now, first I need to rent a car and drive to the prison" she finished cutting the vegetables.

"So why the delay?" he asked "I thought you were supposed to talk to your witness yesterday"

"On the way there we got a call from the captain, she was stabbed" he gave her a questioning look "I don't know what's going on, something doesn't feel right"

"Someone being stubbed is never a good sign" Nick took out two plates for them.

"And with the timing…makes me wonder if it has anything to do with our case…"

"SVU cases are never simple" he placed the food on the plates and handed her one, following her to the table "always complicated and messy"

"Yeah" she nodded, grabbing a fork.

"The most dramatic thing that happened to me at work was being in charge of the fire drill" he smiled at her "it went very well"

"So now all those people will know what to do if that happens" she said "they are lucky to have you"

He shrugged "it's a good place, my boss doesn't want to get rid of me so that's an improvement…"

Amanda took another bite of the food, there was something she had to tell him about work, she didn't want him to hear it from someone else and last night…last night she wanted something else to happen.

"Nick" she placed the fork on the plate after it was empty.

"The omelet's wasn't that bad, right?" he asked.

"No, it was really good" she nodded "I have to tell you something…it has something to do with the department…" she bit her lower lip. It wasn't bad news, why was she nervous about telling him?

"What is it?"

"I…took your advice" Amanda started and he wasn't sure what she was referring to "I took the sergeant exam"

"You took the exam?" he repeated.

"Well…I passed it"

Nick wasn't sure what to say, she was reluctant to take it when he mentioned it to her "congratulations, I'm not surprised you passed…you'll be great at it" he was about to get up "what changed your mind?"

"I realized I do want to get ahead, change things, so…I took it, I got the results just a few days ago…"

"That's great" he got up "it's the NYPD's gain"

She wondered if he was upset hearing about it and followed him to the sink with the plates. She placed them on the counter and waited for him to react.

Nick turned to her with a genuine smile on his face "I'm really happy for you, you deserve this" he surprised her with a hug.

"Thank you" she wrapped her arms around him, tightening her hold.

He was truly happy for her, Amanda was a good detective and there was no reason for her not to move up the ranks…in New York. Last night was all they were going to get. Nick rested his head on her shoulder, breathing her in as if that would keep a part of her with him.

* * *

After she told him about the exam he washed the dishes and showed her the rest of the house. The other bedroom was Gil and Zara's and there was a small backyard.

"Where are the power tools? For the renovations you mentioned yesterday?"

"I mostly meant paint jobs" he confessed.

"So no chainsaw then?" she raised her brow mockingly.

"I have a drill, but it's only for hanging things on the walls" he smiled at her. It was the last stop on the tour which meant it was time for her to leave.

Nick parked close to the rental car agency "so this is it" he took a deep breath.

"Listen Nick, last night…"

He didn't let her finish "last night was…we don't have to talk about it" _even though I hate the fact you're leaving_ he kept that part to himself.

"Alright then…goodbye" she smiled and opened the car's door.

"Amanda" she turned to him "let me know how the investigation goes, ok?" _I want to hear from you soon_ he didn't say that to her too.

"I will" she nodded and kissed his cheek before stepping out of the car.

Nick followed her with his eyes as she walked inside, a part of him wanted to run after her, but what would he say? She was flying away in a few hours and they'd be back to talking on the phone once in a while, at least he had the memory of the previous night.

* * *

The drive to the prison took a long time, not only because of the distance and traffic. She was alone with her thoughts and they revolved around Nick, the connection they shared. It was useless to deny there's been something between them for a long time, even before they acted upon it, even after things got complicated.

When she told him to move to California to be with his kids, it came out of nowhere and he was surprised by her suggesting it. Amanda avoided him for a few days after that but decided she had to clear the air, Benson had a little get together to celebrate the adoption and the last thing Amanda wanted was for things between her and Nick be awkward in front of everyone, not again.

He opened the door and smiled at her "you came to kick me all the way to California?"

"I Don't think I'm strong enough for that" she walked inside "but I do owe you an apology, I shouldn't have said it just like that"

"It was a little confusing" he nodded and made his way to the couch "what happened?"

"I didn't tell you this, but the day I drove Gil from the hospital" she sat next to him "he was so scared about losing you and I know he's not talking about it, he's so much like you, keeps things inside… but he needs you, and you need him, and Zara" she regretted not practicing this little speech.

"What did he say?" Ever since the shooting he's been concerned about his son and wanted to know exactly what he told Amanda that made her tell him to move.

"That he's afraid of something happening to you, that he wouldn't get a chance to say goodbye…he just started crying, he was really afraid of that, he knows the job's dangerous"

"Thanks for telling me, but he doesn't have to worry about that anymore" Nick's voice was a tad bitter.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the fact that I'm not staying in the NYPD, they are not…interested in my services" he shrugged "my delegate told me that they are going to use my knee as an excuse, and you were right, what do I have here?" he didn't mean it as a rhetorical question, he wanted her to answer, to tell him if there was anything there for him. If she was there for him.

But Nick knew she would never admit it, and even if she did, she'd never want him to choose her over his kids.

"So I'm going to retire" he continued when she didn't reply "start over in California, it's not how I expected things to go but…you know what they say about plans"

"Nick, I'm sorry" she felt bad for him being passed over for a promotion, but now he was being let go all together.

"Me too, after all the years in the force…but I brought it on myself. I messed things up, specially these last years"

"The last couple of years weren't easy for any of us"

"Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I would have never transferred to SVU" he had a bright future then, now he had no idea where he was heading, except for the general direction - west.

"I get it" Nick knew she's been through a lot too, if anyone could understand it was her. Amanda asked herself the same question more than once, she thought things would be better in New York before she left Atlanta and yeah, sometimes they were but too frequently that wasn't the case.

"I'm sure things will work out for you in California, sometimes a fresh start is exactly what you need"

"Yeah" he nodded half heartedly, not sure if he believed that "I'm gonna stay here for a while to continue the physiotherapy and then…"

"You'll be gone" she said almost to herself. Leaving may have been the right thing for him but she never wanted it to be like that, with him being forced out, making him feel like he'd failed.

She wasn't sure what else to say, and truth was she wanted to get out of his house. There was an ache in her heart and sitting there by Nick just made it worse.

Nick's phone buzzed and he had to answer, it was his delegate. Amanda took that as her cue to leave and promised to come by and pick him up the next day.

She walked out of the door feeling numb. He deserved better and she hoped he would get that in California. But even though she brought up the idea, even though she thought it was the right thing to do, it still hurt.

* * *

Amanda parked the car and walked to the security guard. She took out her badge and ID "I'm detective Rollins, I'm here to speak to one of the inmates"

He got calls on the radio every couple of seconds and when he saw her name on the list Amanda thought he seemed a little nervous.

"Wait here detective" he called someone on the phone and let them know she was there.

"What's going on?" Amanda asked, they knew she was coming in to talk to Kate this morning, he should have let her go in.

"Just wait" he looked at her without offering an explanation.

A few minutes later two men walked towards the guard, one of them was wearing a suit and Amanda guessed he was the warden while the other one seemed to be another guard. She walked through the metal detector and the guard opened the door for her.

"Detective Rollins" the man in the suit said "I'm warden Wilson"

"Nice to meet you" she shook his hand "is everything ok? I'm not usually greeted by the warden for a simple interview"

"I'm afraid not" he said "why don't we talk in my office"

"What's going on?" she didn't like this "is Kate Caron alright?"

"Kate Caron is gone" the warden replied.

"Gone?" Amanda stopped "I thought her wounds weren't serious…what happened?"

"Not that kind of gone" he clarified "Kate Caron has escaped earlier today"

* * *

 _Looks like Amanda might be staying in LA a little longer…_


	4. Chapter 4

_I'm so glad you're enjoying the story, your comments mean a lot._

 _Hope you'll like this chapter._

* * *

"You're telling me that an inmate was stabbed and somehow still managed to run away?" Amanda was sitting in the warden's office, not sure what to think, how could this have happened?

"We are looking into it detective, we have informed every law enforcement agency and I know we'll find her soon, I'm sure you've noticed the prime location…but this is not a supermax, it's a low security prison"

"I'd make up a better excuse for your boss" Amanda's snarky remark granted her a sneer from the warden.

"Thank you for the suggestion" he said.

"I'm only trying to understand, I've been told she's a model prisoner, getting time off for good behavior…"

"You're not wrong, Kate Caron was quiet, never got into any trouble" his features softened.

"So what happened yesterday?"

"She was found in the shower, no witnesses, no surveillance and no weapon"

"So you're not looking into it?" she tried to control herself, but she didn't like his attitude, the way he acted as if her being attacked was no big deal.

He looked at a file he had on the large desk and then moved it towards her "there are some pictures here, but she refused to talk yesterday"

Amanda read the short report written by the guards and the even shorted one from the doctor. The photos showed two stab wounds in her stomach.

"I'm gonna need a copy" she told him.

"No problem" he stood up "but why are the NYPD so interested in this? I thought you just wanted an interview with her"

"Yeah" Amanda didn't want to say too much. She still had to let her squad know about this development and see if they had any information for her.

The warden waited for her to give him more details but Amanda just pretended to read the report again. There wasn't much there, Kate Caron was found stabbed in the shower. The doctor's report mentioned that the wounds were shallow and that they were treatable in the infirmary. She was supposed to be back in her cell the next day. But she never got back there.

"I've already let captain Charles know about this" the warden said "so unless you have other questions…"

"What about her cellmate?" Amanda asked.

"Says she knows nothing, but we're putting some pressure on her"

"Pressure?" she raised her eyes at him "what about the cameras in the infirmary?"

"They give us nothing, but there are blind spots there" he replied.

"How would she know of them? Has she been there before?"

"No, and right now I can't answer your questions, but I promise to inform you of anything" he got a call and asked her to give him some privacy.

"Here's my card" she placed it on the desk "call me when you have something"

Even though the warden seemed relaxed the guards were clearly on edge. Amanda wondered if they were still trying to find her in the prison. No one was too thrilled to talk to her, and the few guards who stopped only told her to see the warden. They were clearly under pressure and she figured it would be best to let them do their job, even though someone failed at it. What was she supposed to think? Kate couldn't have just disappeared, specially if she was injured.

Amanda returned to her car and called Fin the moment she was on the road.

"How did it go?" he answered.

"It didn't" Amanda replied with a sigh "she has escaped or…taken…I have no idea"

"What do you mean?"

"When I got here today the warden informed me that she's disappeared, they think she ran away which I don't know…I saw pictured of the stab wounds, they look pretty shallow, but I don't know if she could have escape like that. I don't think this is a coincidence"

"I'm gonna ask Carisi to dig deeper in the perp's financial records, maybe he paid someone off"

"I've got a copy of the report, I'll send it to you from the station, maybe Warner could tell us something about the injuries" she glanced at the pages placed on the other seat.

"I'll talk to her" Fin said "but you really think he'd try to do something like that? It was supposed to be a simple interview"

"I don't know, this whole thing seems too strange, maybe she has something on the perp? He wouldn't try this if nothing happened there, but she dropped the charges and…" she sighed "beats me"

"I'll update Benson, send me the pics when you can and we'll see what Warner thinks"

"I'll call you when I'm at the station" Amanda ended the call and sighed again. She hasn't been expecting this kind of complication, she was supposed to talk to Kate, hear what she had to say, hopefully it could help the investigation back in New York. Now what? Should she stay here and try to find Kate or should she go back home and let this lead go. If things went according to plan she would have been in New York right now anyway and…

She would have never spent the night with Nick **.** _A smile crept_ over _her lips_ thinking about it, remembering how good it felt. It was almost like no time has passed, like they were never apart. His lips and fingers on her skin felt familiar, making her feel hot like he always did, distracting her from everything.

She thought they'd grab a bite to eat and catch up a little. But being alone with him, in this completely different environment, when there were no complications caused by their job. Only two people spending time together, and they made the best of that time. Not only in bed, the time they'd spent together making breakfast, having a normal conversation. She wanted to see him again.

Maybe she should call Nick, he did ask for an update about the case so letting him know what's going on would only be the polite thing to do. Not only that, maybe he'd have something to contribute, an idea. Even though they had often butted heads, disagreeing over cases, she always knew she could trust him. He was a good detective and maybe he'd think of something.

Amanda dialed Nick's number, somehow it felt like hearing his voice would make things easier, make them clear.

"Hi" he answered after a couple of rings.

"Hey" Amanda realized she was right about the _feeling better hearing his voice_ part "I thought you'd want to hear the plot twist"

"You talked to her?" he asked.

"I did not" she replied "she's gone, disappeared"

"She escaped?" Nick sounded surprised "I thought she was injured, what happened?"

"I have no idea Nick, I got no answers from the warden, they are still looking into it…but I asked my self the same thing, how could she escaped with her injuries, unless someone else _escaped her_ …"

Nick smiled to himself, it seemed like a pretty big problem but at least Amanda still had her sense of humor.

"I'm on my way to the station, I'll send Fin some photos"

"For Warner?"

"Yeah" she said "so now I don't know what's going on and what, or if it has anything to do with our case"

"You told me you got the call about her being attacked when that other detective and you were driving to the prison, the timing does seem strange"

"I know, there's something going on but I just have no idea what"

"What are you going to do now? I'm sure they have people on the case"

"I hope so, I already had to postpone my flight so I'd have time to send the pics to Fin, but I don't want to just wait"

"Maybe until you hear something you could talk to the detective who took her statement"

Amanda thought about it for a moment, Nick was right, if she couldn't talk to Kate about the dropped charges, the next best thing would be to have a conversation with the person who handled the case.

"That's a good point, I'll do it, thank you" she took a breath, wanting to say something else "if I'm already here, you want to have lunch together? I'm buying"

"I'd love to, but today I have plans to eat lunch a little later" he said.

"That's fine" Amanda tried to mask her disappointment, what was she expecting, for him to sit alone and do nothing?

"You know what" he interrupted her thoughts "if you feel like it you can join me, if you don't mind sharing me with a special someone"

* * *

"I heard the news" captain Charles welcomed her when she walked into the station "that's one hell of a complication"

"I know, the warden told anything? He wasn't keen on sharing much with me" she followed him to his office "I'm not sure he even cares about it"

"The guy's retiring in a few weeks so maybe he doesn't care, but I made sure we'll stay in the loop"

"He promised to keep me updated but I'm gonna see if I can find anything to help my case anyway" she let him know "I'm gonna send a few photos to my partner to check them out"

"Of course, wouldn't want this trip to be a waste of time, I'll show you to a computer you can use and if you need anything do not hesitate"

"I appreciate the help captain" she stood up "hopefully I'll be out of your hair soon"

Amanda sent the photos to Fin and he promised to show them to Warner as soon as possible. She also let him know she was going to talk to detective Mona Flynn, she was the lead detective on the sexual assault case. Amanda didn't mention Nick was the one who suggested that, not because she didn't want him to get credit for the idea but because she preferred not to hear a mocking remark from Fin.

* * *

Thank god for GPS. Amanda had never been in LA before and had to do a lot of driving. It took her almost an hour to get to the other precinct and it would have probably taken much more time without it.

"Detective Flynn?" Amanda approached the woman's desk.

"Yeah?" she raised her eyes at her "can I help you?"

"I'm detective Rollins from special victims unit in New York, I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions about a case you worked on a year ago"

Mona leaned back in the old chair and looked at Amanda with questioning eyes "a year ago? I'm so swamped you'd be lucky if I remember anything I worked on a month ago"

"I get that" Amanda sat down in front of her "it's pretty much the same in my squad, crazy"

"But I guess it's a big deal if you came all the way here to talk to me"

"The guy who assaulted her is being charged for rape in New York, but he's a rich kid who's gotten himself a lawyer who plays dirty…we just want to make sure he doesn't get away"

Mona nodded "what's the name?"

"Her name's Kate Caron"

"Kate Caron" she typed it "I see she recanted her statement, doesn't say why, you tried talking to her?"

"I would have" Amanda crossed her arms "she was arrested for assault a while after dropping the charges, I drove to the prison to talk to her but she has escaped"

"Seriously?" Mona chuckled.

"I thought I'd see if you remember anything, like why she recanted, I read the file but thought that maybe you'd have something to add"

"I'm afraid I can't remember but I always leave my notes in the file so if we bring it from storage…" she scratched her nose a bit "maybe that's gonna be helpful"

"It's better than nothing" Amanda nodded.

"Let's go then, storage is two stories down" Mona got up "she really assaulted someone?"

"A woman and the detective who tried to break up the fight" the two woman walked to the elevator.

They were able to find the folder pretty fast and detective Flynn went through the pages inside "there they are" she took out a notepad and placed the file on a shelf.

The two of them looked at the notes "sorry about my handwriting" Mona apologized "I should have been a doctor"

"I've seen worse" Amanda smiled.

"Most of this is what's in the report…" she flipped the pages "this is what I wrote when she came here to change her story…looks like I didn't believe her, says here she was hiding something, not really giving a real reason…said she was dropping it because it …" she flipped another page, reaching the last one "wasn't worth pursuing"

* * *

"Rollins, I need to see you in my office" Patton called.

Amanda's been trying to work hard, prove herself. She knew very well some people were convinced she used her looks to get ahead. She tried to ignore those rumors, with people who were supposed to care about her believing she'd end up failing, why concentrate on anyone outside of her family circle?

Patton's door was always closed, so were his blinds, you could never see what was going on inside. But he left it open for Amanda, smiling and gesturing her to shut it behind her.

"How can I help you chief?" she moved closer.

"I'm afraid I have some upsetting news" he got up and sat on the edge of his desk "I got a call from a friend about your sister…Kim?" she nodded "she was arrested"

"Oh…" Amanda wasn't sure whether she was surprised or not, Kim promised she wasn't using, not skipping her meds and taking care of herself.

"I've taken the liberty to look into it and I see that it's not the first time she's gotten herself into this kind of trouble" he gave her what was meant to be a concerned smile but Amanda got a creepy vibe of it "I know that things must have been not easy for you…" he stood up "with your father and mother…"

"It's ok chief" she took a step back "she didn't appreciate this fake concern or whatever it was.

"I understand how hard it is to deal with these things" he was slowly moving towards her until he was standing close, way too close. But Amanda felt like her feet were nailed to the floor and she couldn't move.

"You've been doing a great job, working your _ass_ off" it almost felt like his hand was moving to that body part and she wanted to vanish "but it's hard when family gets in the way…when everybody knows your private business…your sister has gotten herself into a lot of trouble"

"I'll handle that" she tried to control her voice, it was a bit shaky.

"You don't have to, not alone" he smiled "I would love to help you with that"

Amanda slightly opened her mouth, not sure what to say, he wasn't done talking and she was sure a 'thank you' wouldn't be the right response.

"I can talk to my friend, make sure she's let go with a warning, give her another chance…but…" she could feel his bad breath on her skin "I'm gonna need something in return"

* * *

Amanda walked out of the station and got inside the car. Did he make her drop the charges? Is that why she changed her story? He could have offered Kate money, threatened her. But was her disappearance his doing? Why would he do something so dangerous, so complicated if the case was closed?

Amanda called Fin but he had no news, Warner has been busy with an autopsy to have a proper look at the photos.

All she could do was wait, Fin told her she should stay there for a few more hours, they were almost done with rechecking all the financial info and hopefully that would give them a clear image of this involvement.

She didn't want to go back to the precinct or to the hotel. Nick said he'd pick her up for lunch so she called him and let him know where she'll be waiting. Her heart sank a little when he said _special someone_ , but of course Nick would never have spent the night with her if he had that kind of a special someone. He was referring to Zara.

* * *

The girl was smiling brightly and waved happily at Amanda, who greeted her with the same gesture before getting into the car.

"Hey Amanda" Zara looked at her "how are you doing?"

"I'm great hon" it's been such a long time since she last saw her "you look so grown up"

"See dad!" Zara moved closer to him "even Amanda says I'm a grown up"

Amanda felt bad about saying something, Nick was always sensitive to Zara getting older. Who could blame him, with everything they'd witnessed and with him being far away.

"That's not what she said and you're not even ten yet" Nick countered and started the engine "you are not going to that movie Zara"

"But dad!" she turned her attention to Amanda, hoping she could get the detective to side with her and convince her father to change his mind "Amanda, he thinks I can't go to a PG-13 movie, all my friends are going and I want to go with them"

"Zara, don't drag Amanda into this" he looked at her through the mirror "she's our guest"

"But I'm right, right?" Zara ignored Nick's request and kept on looking at Amanda, who really wasn't sure what to say. She thought the girl would threaten asking her mother's permission, but Zara wasn't a spiteful girl and she respected her father a lot, listening to him. Amanda thought it was sweet, their relationship was solid and it was very hard for him to be away from her.

"I'm glad you're going with us" Zara said "dad and I eat at this awesome diner, it's our tradition"

"That's great" Amanda smiled at her.

"And then dad drives me to my choir practice, I love singing"

Nick parked the car and Zara jumped out. Nick exchanged a smile with Amanda and Zara opened the door for them.

"Here's our booth" Amanda walked after her "sit next to me"

The waitress came by and smiled at them "hey guys, the usual?" she asked and looked at Amanda.

"You like burgers, right?" Zara checked with Amanda "yes" she told the waitress when Amanda nodded.

"You have the same thing every time?" Amanda looked at Nick.

"That's the tradition" he explained "I pick Zara up from school and we eat burgers here before I drive her to choir practice"

"Sounds like fun" Zara nodded in agreement.

The waitress came back with their drinks "the food will be right out"

Zara thanked her and took a sip of her ice tea "tomorrow I go to a dance class, and I take piano lessons too"

"Wow, that's a lot…" Zara nodded again.

"It's fun…and I want to be a singer" she looked at her father "dad says you have to work hard for that"

"Sure sounds like your dad" Amanda smiled at him.

"There's you food" the waitress came back, holding their plates "enjoy"

"These are really good" Nick told her before taking a bite "that's why this place is a part of our tradition"

Amanda tasted her burger and gave him the thumbs up. Her phone buzzed, she got a text message and wondered if it was something from Fin. But she smiled at the picture which was sent to her.

"Work?" Nick asked, knowing this wouldn't have been her response it that was the case, but he didn't want to ask who sent her a text that elicited such a wide grin.

"No" she shook her head and showed the picture to Zara.

"That's so cute!" the girl took the phone from Amanda to have a better look "is he yours?"

"That's Frannie" Amanda pointed at her dog "and that's Buster, he's my neighbor's puppy"

"She's watching Frannie while you're here?" Nick asked.

"Yeah" she took the phone back, not wanting Zara to accidentally, or not accidentally go through the pictures she had there, many of them were of crime scenes or evidence.

"I always wanted a dog" Zara said "but mom doesn't want one…and Jeffery's allergic" Nick's reaction to the name gave her a hint on who he was but Zara elaborated anyway "he's mom's boyfriend"

"Oh" Amanda nodded.

"He's nice" Zara took another bite and continued talking with her mouth full "daddy doesn't have a girlfriend"

Amanda tried not to look straight into Nick's eyes, she wasn't sure why she was avoiding him, it probably had something to do with the smile she's been trying to hide.

"Do you like singing Amanda?" Zara was done chewing and saved them from what felt a bit awkward.

"Maybe a little bit, but I've never been in a choir like you"

"Amanda has a nice voice" Nick didn't specify how he knew that, he wasn't going to mention hearing her in the shower more than once, she could carry a tune.

"That's cool" Zara took the last bite "can we have dessert?"

"Sure, you want a chocolate cake?" Zara looked at Amanda, making sure she was fine with that choice.

"I love chocolate" Amanda nodded and Nick ordered one when the waitress came by.

They enjoyed the cake and returned to the car, Zara thanked Amanda for joining them and gave her a hug before taking her seat.

"Her stop's closer" Nick said "so I hope you don't mind if I drive her first"

"Not at all" she smiled and sat down.

* * *

"Have fun Zara" Nick walked out of the car and gave her a kiss "te adoro"

"I will dad, bye" she smiled and hugged him "bye Amanda"

Amanda waved at her and waited for Nick to get back inside.

"She's a busy kid" she said once he closed the door.

"Yeah" he nodded "sometimes it feels like I need to call her secretary and schedule an appointment, it was never like that when I was her age. She loves it and that's what important but still…I just don't want her to miss out on being a kid, you know what I mean?" she smiled at him and Nick wondered about Amanda's childhood. He remembered a story Kim told him, about Amanda threatening a guy with a squirrel gun when she was nine, she probably wouldn't mind missing out on that.

"She seems really happy" Amanda said "so you're doing something right"

Nick chuckled and drove away.

"You know I owe you" Nick gave her a questioning look "I said lunch would be on me and you still paid"

"I don't think Zara would have allowed that, you were our guest"

"You two are so polite" she laughed.

"Thank you" he smiled.

"I still have to wait for Fin to call so if you've got nowhere to be maybe we could…walk around for a bit"

"Sure, that'd be great"

"Just until you're hungry, so I could buy you something" she said.

"That sounds like a threat" he smiled.

He stopped not too far from where she was parked but they walked to the opposite direction, they were in no hurry, there was no destination, just strolling together down the street.

"So you pick her up from school often?" Amanda asked.

"Sometimes, today's kind of our thing…"

"Your tradition"

"Yeah…" they turned to a quieter street "I get to see her…not enough but…" he shrugged, knowing it would be enough only if she lived with him.

"Maybe you should get her that puppy, then she'll want to visit more" she offered with a smile.

"Like a bribe, ha?" Nick chuckled "I thought about it, but I don't think that's a good idea…I'm sure Maria won't like it"

"For Jeffery's sake?" she regretted bringing him up but it was too late now.

"He's actually a decent guy" it sounded like Nick really meant it "I know it sounds weird coming from me, and we're not friends, and I'd rather spend more time with her than he does, but that's how it is so...he's alright"

They sat down on a bench, their knees touching. He looked at that tiny connection and remembered Zara saying he didn't have a girlfriend. She was right, he hasn't even been on a single date since he moved here. Did he want one? Did he want that to be Amanda?

What were they doing?

She smiled at him and in that moment it felt like she was so far away. He yearned to kiss her, to caress her soft skin, but he was afraid he wouldn't reach it with his fingers. She was there, but only for now, just for a few minutes, few seconds, even days wouldn't be enough.

Nick stood up and Amanda did the same "we should head back" he said, looking away.

She could feel something has changed, but what? A mere second ago everything felt so comfortable and now it was the exact opposite.

"Nick?" she wasn't sure what to say.

"I…" he looked straight into her eyes, almost hypnotized by the color "I don't know how to say this" he looked away for a second "I want to ask you to come back to my place, talk to you, make love to you, wake up next to you…"

That sounded like a good idea to Amanda, but the way he pronounced the words…she knew there was a but coming.

"But you will go back to New York, tomorrow if not today…your future is back there, you will be a great sergeant, I'm sure of that. But my life's here and if I do what I want, and offer you to go back home with me…you will leave. Because you must leave…I'm just gonna end up missing you so much more than I already am, thinking about everything that could have been…so as much as I want…" that word didn't even begin to describe his need "we'll always be friends but I think we should say goodbye now"

 _I can't take the thought of us parting like that again_ he thought.


	5. Chapter 5

_A quick update : )_

 _But the next one might take longer._

 _Let me know what you think._

* * *

Amanda wasn't sure how to react to Nick's words. Of course he was right, it felt good to be with him, to spend some time not concentrating on work. As much as she wanted more of that, they would just be playing house, this wasn't the reality and they both deserved better.

"I know Nick" she nodded after a few seconds "you're right, we will always be friends…maybe we should go our separate ways, literally"

Walking to separate directions was hard since their cars were parked close to each other so they walked back together, it was one of the most uncomfortable silences they'd ever experienced, and they had plenty of those in their past.

When they finally reached Nick's vehicle both muttered a quick goodbye and dropped the idea of hugging or any other physical contact. As Nick drove off and Amanda walked to her car she asked herself whether they would be friends or maybe this was their final goodbye.

She got back to the hotel, realizing she's barely spent any time there. She took a quick shower and called Fin, he gave everything to Warner who promised to update him as soon as soon as possible.

"Meanwhile you get to spend another night in the city of angels" he said "It's still early there, you got plans?"

"I'm going to spend my time sleeping, I'm exhausted. Hopefully you'll get an update tomorrow or the police will find her" she took a deep breath.

"I hope so too, I miss you partner"

"Oh..." she laughed "aren't you sweet…"

"I better be, since you're gonna to be my sergeant soon, and a damn good one"

"Thanks" she smiled, Fin always had her back.

"I should be thanking you, if you wouldn't have passed, Liv would have made me take it" he chuckled "you ok?" Fin asked thinking she sounded a little off.

"Sure, just tired, that's it" she replied.

"K, well, have a good night Amanda, hope to see you soon"

"You too Fin" she let the phone fall on the bed and followed it, allowing her body to go limp.

 _Stupid Nick_ , she thought and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Nick arrived to his home and called Gil, they had plans for the weekend and he wanted to go through them again with him, it was a good distraction but Gil didn't have much time to talk, he had friends over and Nick ended up on his couch having a cold beer alone.

He had to do it, he tried to convince himself, he had to because if she would have been there right now it would make him feel so good and then, when she's back in New York he'd just be completely lost. So it was better this way.

He took another sip, this was so much better…

This was absolutely fucking unbelievably incredibly amazing.

Then why did he want to drive over to her and say he didn't mean a single word? Why did he go to his bedroom and lay down on the bed they'd made love on and tried to feel her, smell her.

 _Why were they always saying goodbye?_

His thoughts drifted to the day Benson had that thing for Noah's adoption. He remembered how Amanda came by to pick him up and he asked her to wait a few more minutes.

"Ok, you have a good excuse for being late" she chuckled.

"You can say your car broke down and we had to walk" he called from his bedroom.

"Doubt you could make it that far, I'd have to carry you" Nick limped back to the living room, smiling at her.

"Don't think you'd be able to do that" he looked at her, she looked at ease wearing the mostly white dress, her wavy locks, bare neckline, he loved seeing her like this.

"What?" she looked down, thinking there might be dirt or a stain on the dress.

"Nothing" he assured "you look perfect"

"Thanks" she replied quietly, not able to hide the fact her cheeks turned a bit red.

"I found this" Nick took out something from his pocket, it was a small box wrapped in green and red paper "I…well…wanted to give this to you last Christmas but…well…" he didn't want to talk about it, they'd been distant after their fight so he let the present he got for her stay in a drawer. He was looking around, throwing things away when he found it and decided it was better late than never.

She looked at the colorful paper "I thought we weren't exchanging gifts"

"I know, but I saw it and" he shrugged "thought you might like it, it's no big deal"

Amanda unwrapped it, she thought it was a deal, even if not a big one "a necklace" she took it out of the box.

"I saw you wearing these kind of necklaces and…" he was at the mall with his mother one day and it caught his eye, it had Amanda's name written all over it, a simple, delicate piece of jewelry. Amanda may have not been a very delicate person herself, but she always wore simple things like that. So he had to buy it for her.

"Well thank you for the belated gift Nick" she turned around and moved her hair to the side "will you do the honors?"

Nick leaned on the crutches and slowly hooked the clasp, her skin felt so good under his fingers he pretended to have some trouble with the task. Amanda didn't say anything, she liked the way he touched her and he could take another hour for all she cared.

But he was done and she turned to him, smiling.

"I'm sorry" he said.

"What?"

"For everything" he noticed what jewelry she liked but couldn't see her struggle, he should have known better.

"We're over this" she shook her head a little, thinking they'd forgotten and let it go.

Nick didn't respond, he looked in her eyes, trying to remember the exact shade of blue. The few months he'd have in New York seemed to be just a couple of seconds and he wanted to remember her like this. He leaned in to kiss her cheek and let his lips remain connected with her, he knew she closed her eyes and felt as her palm was on his hand.

"I don't know what to say" he confessed, his lips not too far from her ear.

They smiled at each other as they drank the champagne, all they could think about was how his lips had to kiss her again, as if it was bound to happen.

But he left to LA without doing that, and now, lying on the bed he cursed his mouth, instead of talking, saying all of those things, he should have kissed her, he could handle a broken heart if he just had one more night with her.

* * *

Amanda woke up early and it took her a moment to realize she was at the hotel. She tried to push away the thought of how different it felt to wake up in Nick's bed as oppose to this dull room. It was too early to get any breakfast so Amanda just ignored the nagging feeling of hunger and tried to focus on something else.

The only thing that could distract her was the case and she went through it so many times she almost had it memorized. But Mona gave her a copy of her notes, it was the only thing that wasn't in the system and maybe there'd be something there.

Amanda took out the pages and started reading. Most of this stuff she already knew, all the details of the attack, he tried to grab her and touched her stomach and breasts but she pushed him away and managed to escape. Not much time later she recanted and dropped the charges. Detective Flynn's hand writing was bad, it took Amanda a while to make sense of some sentences, again, some of the information she already knew, about her going to college, working part time. But there was something else there, it wasn't in the file, Kate Caron volunteered in a place called…the name was unrecognizable and Amanda took out her phone to use the internet, maybe she could figure the name out.

Two words, the first had the letters e and n in it and the second word started with a c. The second one was probably city but Amanda wasn't sure and the search gave her nothing. She'd have to go back to the station and see if the detectives know anything.

Amanda bought herself breakfast not far from the hotel and drove to the precinct. The captain wasn't there yet but detectives Moore and Reynolds were at their desks.

"Good morning" Amanda greeted them.

"Morning Rollins, you must be enjoying LA if you're still here" Reynolds smiled "coffee?"

"No thanks" she already had some with her pastry "I was wondering if you heard any news about Kate Caron"

"The jailbreak?" Reynolds asked.

"Nothing yet" Moore answered "you're staying here until she's found?"

"I don't know" she shrugged and sat down "you think it'd be soon?"

"I hope so, I don't like to think that a person who attacked me is free, she doesn't get a pass for doing that" Moore said "I do believe she'll be found"

"If you ask me" Reynolds interfered "she's dumb for doing this, she was going to get early release, why run? So either she's stupid or…"

"Or what?" Moore looked at him "don't tell me you think someone took her from the freaking prison"

"Whatever it is, there are a lot of questions" Amanda added "something is not right, by the way, maybe you could help me with a name, apparently she was volunteering somewhere and I can't make it out" Amanda showed them the page and pointed at the line. She left the rest of the notes at the hotel room since they added nothing.

"What is this?" Reynolds tried to decrypt the words.

"More info I got" she replied "you have an idea what's that place?"

"No, sorry" he handed it to Moore who looked at if for a while and shook his head.

"There are so many places to volunteer, don't know what it is or how to help you narrow it down" he apologized and gave her the paper back.

"Thanks anyway" her phone buzzed and she saw Fin's name on the caller ID "I gotta take this" she excused herself and walked away from them.

"Hey Fin, I kinda have something that might be nothing…" she started but Fin didn't let her finish.

"Unless you found her, mine's bigger" he said "Warner took sometime with the photos because she said there was something strange about it, she thinks the wounds were self inflicted"

"What?" the surprise caused her voice to rise a little and Amanda looked around to make sure no one was listening "she did it to herself?"

"The doc's pretty sure, from the way it looks and the angle, it's not a hundred percent because it's only pictures, but…"

"But the report says no weapon has been found" Amanda was thinking out loud.

"Doesn't mean somebody didn't take it and make it disappear" Fin suggested.

"Probably, the wounds were shallow…you think this was planned? A way to get medical help, the warden said there were blind spots in the infirmary, I just don't know what to think"

"Nothing good, that's for sure. I talked to Liv, from the looks of it her statement is going to be useless for us, even if they find her and you talk to her…"

"Yeah, that testimony is not going to be very believable" Amanda took out a breath "I guess I'm coming back now, it's a good thing cause I don't have clean clothes"

"Try to catch the next flight and see you soon"

"See ya Fin" Amanda hung up the phone.

Amanda wasn't sure what to make of this, Kate stabbed herself and someone helped her get rid of the weapon so it would look like at attack. She used the time in the infirmary to run away…but why? She didn't have much time left so what happened that caused her to do something like this? There were no prior incidents in the prison and apart from the assault her record was clean. Amanda couldn't shake the feeling there was something else, but what?

"I gotta go" she told the detectives "would you ask the captain to give me a call, I want to thank him"

"Sure thing" Reynolds smiled.

She drove back to the hotel. What was she supposed to do? Talking to Kate wasn't going to help her investigation and they were swamped as it is. She had to go back to New York.

Amanda made her way to the room, she barely had anything to pack so it wouldn't take anytime. She also had to call the airline, they were probably tired of her changing the flight. But this was it.

Amanda opened the door and walked inside.

Something was wrong.  
She was sure she left the bag on the bed this morning, she placed the notes inside after she was done with them. Maybe it was the maid who put it on the floor. But the bed wasn't made, it was messy just as she left it this morning.

Amanda looked inside the bag, her things were there, but the notes were gone.

Someone had been in the room.

She walked to the front desk and waited until the man there would get off the phone, somebody took the notes Mona Flynn gave her. Who'd need them? Did she miss anything?

"Can I help you?" a voice interrupted her thoughts, it was the man in the reception.

"Yes" she smiled "would you tell me if you have security cameras on the third floor?" she flashed him the badge for less than a second, hoping he wouldn't notice she was with the NYPD.

He gave her a puzzled look but then shook his head "I'm afraid all the cameras are being replaced this week so the only working ones are pointed at the desk"

"So you can't even see the guests?"

"Not unless they stopped by the reception, is everything ok?" he asked.

"Yes, thank you very much" she nodded and walked back to the room.

Someone broke in, there was no way to know who without ant footage and SCU wouldn't be any help in this hotel room.

This was no coincidence. Kate escaping, someone breaking into her room. Amanda knew she should call captain Charles but she wasn't sure she could trust him, she couldn't trust anyone.

That wasn't exactly true, there was one person she trusted in this place. Amanda took her bag and quickly left the room.

* * *

 _Where could Amanda go…_


	6. Chapter 6

_Thanks for the reviews, I hope you'll enjoy this chapter._

* * *

Amanda got into her car and tried to calm down, why was she being so paranoid? Someone broke into her room and took something, was she being followed? This definitely meant there was something going on, and whatever it was, someone thought she knew too much.

She was about to start the car when it hit her – if someone knew where she was staying they could probably find the car, track her phone.

It wasn't like her to be this scared, maybe it was the fact that she was alone in a city she didn't really know. Of course going back to New York should have been her first choice, but Amanda didn't want to let it go, she had to find out what the hell was going on.

She deserted the phone in the car and only took her the bag. It's a good thing she remembered Nick's number by heart.

* * *

Nick was sitting in his office staring at a stack of paperwork, he had to finish some evaluations but his mind was somewhere else. He thought about calling Amanda, tell her he was sorry. He wondered whether she was still in LA, maybe she's left already.

A sound brought him back to reality, it was his phone. Nick didn't recognize the number and answered.

For a while after he was officially retired he'd answer 'Amaro' when someone called, it took him a long time to switch to 'yeah' or 'hello', in a way it was another milestone in the road of letting go of the police force.

"Yeah" he answered.

"Nick" he recognized Amanda's voice and looked at his phone again, it was an unknown number, her name didn't appear on the screen.

"Amanda" he wasn't sure what to say "I…"

"Listen Nick, I need your help" her voice was a bit quiet.

"Is everything alright?" probably not, or she wouldn't have asked for help "I'm at work but you can come to my office"

"I don't have my car or phone right now…"

"Ok, I'll come pick you up, where are you?" she gave him the address and Nick walked out of his office. What happened to her? No car, no phone…he hoped she was ok.

* * *

"Hey" he said when she got into his car "what's going on?"

"Someone broke into my hotel room" she told him "drive"

"Are you aright?" he looked at her, she seemed a bit rattled and he had to scrap his plan of apologizing "they took your phone?"

Amanda shook her head "I left it in the car, which I left too"

"What happened?"

"I don't want anyone to use it to find me" he gave her another questioning look "it already happened before"

"Ok, what do you want to do?" he wasn't driving in any particular direction, not sure if there was any place she wanted him to take her to.

"I need a computer and a phone" Amanda replied, she couldn't just sit and wait, she had to find a way to do some research.

"I'll take you to my office, you can use the computer there and you can use my phone until you get a new one or use yours"

"I'm sorry for dragging you from work, I know I must sound kinda crazy…but, thanks for coming"

"You don't sound crazy at all" he smiled at her.

"Yeah? That's nice of you to say"

"You have great instincts, so if you're worried it means there's something going on, somebody broke into the hotel room, that's serious"

Amanda took a deep breath, a part of her wanted to ask Nick to stop the car so she could give him a hug, comfort her. She couldn't really do that so instead Amanda decided to tell him what she had found out, he was the only person she could trust in this place.

"If that's not enough" she started "it looks like Kate hurt herself, Warner told Fin the wounds were self inflicted"

"So you think she used it to run away?" Nick asked.

Amanda shrugged before answering, that was the obvious answer, but she just wasn't sure what to think "I'm supposed to fly back to New York" she didn't answer the question "but I don't think I can do that…not without some answers"

"I'm sure Liv will understand, just tell her everything" Amanda still looked worried, not that he could blame her, someone got into her room, touched her stuff, it would unsettle anyone "it's gonna be fine"

Amanda gave him a thin smile and they remained silent the rest of the way.

"This is the place" he parked the car "come on" even though Amanda was in a tough spot he liked the idea of showing her where he works, it wasn't anything exciting, but her visiting there felt so normal, as if she could pop by for lunch once in a while or…

"Nick?" he was lost in that sweet thought and almost forgot to actually go inside.

"Sorry" he gave her an apologetic smile "this way"

They walked into the building and he said a quick hello to the security guard.

"This is it" he opened the door to his office. It was a nice size office, not small but not too big. The interior walls were made from glass and you could see inside and outside. There was a picture of Zara and Gil on the desk and it made Amanda smile, he didn't keep a photo of them on his desk at the SVU squad room, not wanting to see their faces while he worked on cases, read gory details. It was nice to see their smiling faces, each had an arm around the other, they looked so cute together.

"You want me to get you something to drink, there's a good coffee machine in the kitchen" he offered "you can call Liv while I'm gone"

Amanda was about to speak when she saw a man walk by, he stopped and knocked before entering "hey Nick"

"Michael, hey" he smiled at his boss "this is a friend of mine from New York, detective Amanda Rollins, we used to work together" he looked at Amanda "this is Michael Kaplan, he's the owner"

"Nice to meet you" Michael said.

"Likewise" she shook his hand.

"So is this a friendly visit or work related?"

"Work" Amanda replied "I hope it's ok I'm here"

"Of course! It's not a problem at all!" he turned to Nick "you should offer your friend a drink"

"I was just on my way to get Amanda some coffee" he turned to Amanda "I'll be right back" he walked out of the room.

"So you're here helping the LAPD with an investigation?" Michael asked.

"No, I had to do an interview for a case and it's taking a bit longer than planned" she tried to sound casual.

"I hope everything's ok"

"Yeah, I just have to find the name of an organization…" Amanda wasn't sure why she was telling him that, but for some reason he seemed trustworthy.

"I'm sure that's not a problem"

"If you have the name…I just have a few letters, three to be exact" she chuckled.

"Really?" he placed his hand over his mouth, thinking about something "you know, I might be able to help you with that, there's probably a database and I could use the info you have to find the name, or at least narrow it down"

Amanda wasn't sure if she should accept it, but it could be her only way to figure out the name.

"I've always wanted to do that typing thing they do on crime shows" he confessed.

Nick was back holding a cup of coffee.

"Let me know, ok? I'd love to help New York finest" Michael left and Nick gave her the drink.

"He offered to help" she took a sip, the coffee was so good she had to drink more of it "I found out Kate's been volunteering somewhere but couldn't figure out the name"

"You can trust him, he's a real computer whiz" he gestured out of the office "obviously…"

"I should call Benson first, hope she doesn't tell me to get my ass on a plane right this second" she shrugged.

"I'll give you some privacy" he was about to walk out of the office.

"No, stay" it sounded like she needed him to be there so he nodded and sat down away from the desk, giving her room by the phone.

Amanda dialed the number and it didn't take a long time for Olivia to pick up.

"Benson"

"It's Rollins" Amanda said.

"Rollins, I hope you're calling to update us on your flight" Amanda could hear she was on speaker and wondered who was in the room with the sergeant.

"Actually, I'm still here"

"What are you doing there? Trying to kick off an acting career?" she heard a man's voice, it was Barba.

"How'd you know?" Amanda chuckled and Nick smiled, wondering what was said to her "there's something shady going on"

"We got that already" Benson spoke again " but Carisi's gone through every financial record he could find and there's nothing to connect our perp to the jailbreak, this means it has nothing to do with our case"

"Which means" Barba intervened "it's the LAPD's problem"

"Not really, someone broke into my hotel room, took some notes" she let them know and met Nick's gaze for a quick second "I don't think like leaving is a good idea…"

"You're going rogue on us Rollins?" Barba laughed.

"Listen, if you tell me to come back I will, but I need a day or two. I know it's a lot to ask but…" she needed Benson to trust her.

It was quiet for a moment and Amanda could almost see the wheels turning it the sergeant's head, asking herself what her detective was thinking.

"Alright Amanda" Olivia agreed "if you think it's the right thing we'll do our best to manage without you for a day or two"

From her expression Nick knew Amanda got the reply she wanted, she was allowed to stay. He smiled, not being able to hide the fact he was happy about it too.

"Ok, thank you" he turned his attention back to the conversation "I get it, I will let you know…and thanks again"

She took a deep breath after hanging up the phone "I'm staying here for a while" she told him.

"Good" he nodded "what now? You said something about notes"

"That's what they took from my room" she explained "I went to talk to that detective, like you offered, she gave me a copy of her notes and now some of them are gone"

"Was there anything important there?"

"Not really, it's what you can read in the file, the only thing is this page" she took it out of the her back pocket "a few letters, I can't read it" Amanda handed it to Nick but he couldn't make anything out of it, whoever wrote it had to improve that handwriting.

"Why don't you just ask that detective to give you the name?" he asked.

"I thought about it, but…this whole thing is just…complicated, who knows what they expected to find in my stuff…I feel like maybe I can't really believe anyone" she let out a puff of air "except for you" she smiled softly "but I need to figure this out"

"Hey" he placed his hand close to hers "I'll help you out how ever I can"

She looked up at him, straight into his eyes "Thank you"

"Anytime" he grazed her fingers "Michael is a good guy, I'm sure he could help with the computer stuff…I think he watches every crime drama on TV so it will be exciting for him" he raised one brow.

They walked to Michael's office and he was very happy his help was required "this is a search tool that's gonna use the information you have to locate the organization's name, I'm just gonna need those letters…"

"Two words" she said and gave him the bit of info she had.

"Now we wait" he looked at them and then back at the screen where the program was matching names. It took a few minutes until it was done.

 _Clean City_

"Let's see what they're all about" Michael said.

There wasn't much official information but Michael was able to find out that they were providing legal advice for low-income people, helping them deal with the bureaucracy of the legal system.

"I'm gonna have to go there now" Amanda looked at Nick.

"Can I go with you?" Nick asked her after they were out of Michael's office "I'll give you my car if you want, but I'd love to drive over there with you"

Amanda nodded, she didn't have time to think about it, maybe Nick wanted to go because he was worried about the break in, maybe he missed the action. She had zero time to waste, thinking or talking about it.

* * *

"Your boss is nice" she said in the car "doesn't mind you going for a joyride with me in the middle of a workday"

"I think he'd love to go with us, I told you he's into this kind of things" Nick nodded.

"Well, still nice of him" she shrugged "seems like a nice place to work at"

"You know, at first he reminded me of the hackers who used to help us, remember? Those who were arrested for something and helped get to perps on the dark net"

"He's a hacker?"

"Used to be, kinda"

"And he just offered you that piece of information?" Amanda chuckled.

"What am I going to do? Arrest him? I don't think he ever did any harm anyhow"

They reached the office and walked inside. It was located in a small and pretty old building. There was only one young man sitting by what looked like the reception area.

"Can I help you?" he asked them.

"I'm detective Rollins" Amanda introduced herself "I'm with the NYPD and I'm looking for information about someone who used to volunteer here"

"NYPD, ha?" he smiled "who are you looking for?"

"Kate Caron"

"Kate?" he seemed confused "you know she's in prison, right?"

"We do" she nodded "we need to know what she worked on in here"

"I knew her a bit, but she left a long time ago and anyway, I can't give you anything, _Attorney_ **–** _client privilege_ , you know?"

"She wasn't a lawyer, don't you keep any files, anything?"

"Give me a moment" he took his phone and walked away.

Nick and Amanda exchanged a look, the guy disappeared to another room but came back a few minutes later.

"I'm gonna need a warrant" he said "I have a feeling you don't have it"

"This is not about anyone being in trouble" she tried to convince him.

"We're just trying to help someone out" Nick jumped in.

"I think her being in prison means she already got in trouble, so unless you have a warrant the only thing I can offer you is a goodbye"

They walked out of the office and into the street.

"You're hungry?" Nick asked "it's easier to think on a full stomach"

Amanda realized she did want to eat, it's been a long time since she had breakfast "I'm buying" she smiled.

She insisted on eating somewhere private, wanting to think and talk about the case freely so Nick drove them back to his office.

Michael popped in a few minutes later, asking if they found anything.

"No" Nick shook his head "they were unwilling to help without a warrant"

"That's a shame, what next?" he asked.

"I don't know" Amanda shrugged, she really had no idea what to do.

Nick looked at her and she could almost read his mind, did he really want her to ask Michael to hack into the organization's database?

"Well…" Michael started "I will be in my office if you need me" he walked away.

"You want us to break the law?" she gave him a serious glare "retirement has really affected you"

"It may not be the best idea, but feels like it's the only one, or else you would have gone to one of the detectives, get a warrant and clear things out"

Amanda placed the food down, she was stuck, and she couldn't ask anybody's help in the police department.

"Or you can just let it go" Nick said, he could tell she was thinking about it and he would never offer something like this if he thought there was another way.

"Crap" she took a deep breath "fuck it, ok. Don't look so excited" she saw a smile forming on his face "we're going to break the law and you're happy about it"

Michael didn't seem to mind hacking into Clean City's system, he said they were a small organization and that their security would probably be a joke. Amanda still felt guilty, but she pushed it to the back of her head, right now it was the only thing that could help her out, it wouldn't hurt anyone, just a way to get some info.

They both watched as Michael typed, they had no idea what he was doing but a few minutes later he was done.

"This is their database" he said "I can print you the files you need"

"Find anything Kate Caron worked on" Amanda asked him.

He was typing again, this time it took much less time "there are about fifty listed here, you want all of them?"

"Yeah, I'll go through them all" she said. Kate could have used someone she helped at some point, somebody who owed her.

"I'll print all of them then, this is kinda exciting" he smiled "I should go back to work now, but I'd appreciate an update"

"Yeah, thanks for…not doing any of this"

* * *

Amanda and Nick were back at his office, going through the files.

"Listen" Nick yawned "it's getting late, I'm gonna head home" Amanda didn't even realize time has passed "I don't know if you planned on staying at a hotel or anything…" he didn't want to bring up their earlier conversation "but you can stay at my place"

Amanda had no other choice, she barely had any cash left after buying lunch and she couldn't use her credit card for the same reason she ditched the car and phone.

"Thanks" she nodded "I'm gonna take all of these with me"

Amanda grabbed all of the papers that were a little spread out in the office and followed him outside. He stopped to get them some food, his fridge was pretty empty. He missed his mother's cooking.

"Is Chinese alright?" he asked, knowing the answer would be yes.

* * *

Once they were inside Nick's place she felt a little weird. During the last hours they were focused on work, just like in the old days work has always managed to cover all the cracks in their 'thing'. Even when they were arguing and fighting, once they were on a case it was pushed to the side, the victim had their attention.

Now it wasn't that easy to ignore the fact they had slept together in this house, ignore how good it felt, how much she needed that, needed him. She could deny it until the end of time but when they were together like that, focusing on each other – things were so much better.

She placed her bag on the floor, thinking she could use a shower, and probably some new clothes. She really should have brought more.

"I have a washing machine and a drier" he said, seeing she smelled her shirt. Amanda gave him an embarrassed smile.

"You can put on something…of mine" this was not getting more comfortable, they were adults, not teenagers, why was this so complicated?

"Sure, thanks" there was no other choice.

He led her to his bedroom and showed her where she could take some clothes and then explained her how to turn the washing machine and drier on.

"I'll leave you to it" he smiled and walked back to the living room, closing the door behind him.

Amanda opened one of the drawers and grabbed the first shirt she saw, it was a simple black t-shirt. She took out a pair of boxers. She's seen him naked before, wearing a pair of his underwear wasn't a big deal.

The shower felt good, even though Amanda was busy pushing away the memories of the one they had together. She really had to think about something else. She walked back to the living room after turning on the machine. Nick clearly tried to hide a smile seeing her wearing his clothes.

"Let's eat" he handed her a plate.

"Good idea" she took it and sat down on one of the chairs.

They kept the conversation light until they were done with the food and Nick declined her offer to help clean up. Amanda went back to put the clothes in the drier.

"I should go back to the files" she said after returning to the living room and took the stack of papers to the couch.

He joined a few minutes later and looked at her for a second or two until she raised her eyes at him "can I ask you something?" she nodded "is this all about the break in? You're taking this really seriously, even though it doesn't seem to be connected with the case in New York, why is it so important to you?"

It took Amanda some time to think of an answer, not because she wanted to lie, but because she wasn't very sure of it herself, why did she care so much?

"Amanda?" he asked when she kept on staring at the floor.

"She dropped those charges because she thought it wasn't worth pursuing and then she attacked somebody, something is off…but then she must have been so desperate…to hurt herself to escape, and I just have to know why. Because I know how it feels like to be desperate enough"

* * *

When Patton said he'd want something in return there was no need for him to elaborate, she already knew what he wanted. Amanda may have hoped she heard wrong. But she didn't.

She told herself it would be just sex, she had casual sex before, why would now be any different? This time she'd do it for Kim, to help her sister out. It's not like Kim had anybody else, ever since they were little their parents didn't pay much attention to them and it was Amanda's job to take care of her.

Kim loved the attention she's been getting from her older sister, she loved being the center of everything, having all eyes on her. It was fine when they were younger, but as the years passed Kim's behavior was getting erratic, her moods were all over the place, it wasn't normal even for a young teenager. But no one except for Amanda cared, their dad had already left them by then and their mom was busy trying to find herself a man, for a night or for longer than that. She just ignored her daughter's actions and Amanda was left to clean up Kim's mess, over and over.

Even now, after getting some medical help, Kim was the same, the hurricane who left wreckage whenever and wherever she showed up. As usual, Amanda had to handle it.

But even though Amanda knew it was wrong, she was still her little sister, the baby whose parents were too busy fighting to feed her, so Amanda gave her the bottle. No matter how angry and disappointed Amanda was with her, she couldn't desert her, so many people let them down before, Amanda felt guilty even without being on that list.

Patton's 'offer'…It wouldn't be a big deal.

* * *

"You know what" she stood up "I'm going to turn in" maybe she shouldn't have been so honest telling Nick about everything.

"Take my room, I'll sleep in the kids' room" he said.

"No, it's ok" Amanda shook her head.

"I insist, don't insult your host"

"Wouldn't want to be impolite" she chuckled "thank you and good night"

Amanda closed the door and got into the bed. Even though she's been lying there with her eyes closed for a while, sleep eluded her. Tossing and turning made Amanda thirsty and she decided to get some water. She kicked off the boxers before getting out of the bed, they were uncomfortable and it was late, Nick was probably asleep.

* * *

Nick couldn't fall asleep too. He was going over her story in his head, thinking how hard it's been for her, she was such a smart person, always seemed so strong. She didn't deserve the way she's been treated, she shouldn't have been so hard on herself, always thinking about others, putting herself last. He wished there was a way he could help her. He needed something to drink and got up.

Nick walked out of the room and made his way to the kitchen. Amanda was standing there, wearing only his t-shirt. She reached the cupboard to get a glass from it causing the shirt to ride up a bit, revealing more of her bare legs and a bit of butt cheeks. There was no denying how it made him feel but he had to ignore that.

She filled the glass with water from the tap and he walked to the sink, clearing his throat so he wouldn't startle her.

"I got up to get something to drink" he said.

"Great minds think alike, ha?" she handed him her glass and took out another one for herself.

Nick drank the water, watching her as she turned the faucet on and then off. The glass was raised to her lips and she drank it.

Nick couldn't keep his eyes off her, she placed her empty glass on the counter and he saw a single drop of water run down from her lips to her chin, Amanda wiped it off but kept on staring at the glass.

"I miss you" she said all of the sudden, very quietly, as if she was admitting to something she wasn't sure how she's been feeling about.

Amanda tacked a strand of hair behind her left ear. But it didn't stay there, it was freed, hiding her beautiful face from him. Nick wasn't sure what he was doing, his hand moved up, touching her golden locks and mimicking her earlier motion, moving it away. Amanda raised her eyes to look at his face, he kept his hand behind her ear, it slowly moved down to the back of her neck, connecting with her skin. Nick let his fingers glide lower, all the while looking into her eyes. She wasn't moving, just breathing in and out, allowing him to touch her, loving the way it felt.

Nick's fingers reached her collar bone, just over the fabric of the shirt. Amanda raised her right hand and caressed his palm before grabbing a hold of it. She brought it to her lips and let it rest against her mouth. Nick realized he was still holding the glass in his other hand but was pretty sure his body was frozen. Amanda moved his hand away from her lips but didn't let go of it. She turned to walk back to the bedroom and he had no choice but to follow her. He managed to leave the glass on the counter, next to hers.

Whatever she wanted, he wasn't going to protest. Whether it was a good idea or a bad one, it almost didn't matter. He only wanted to be there for her, to comfort her.

They walked into the bedroom and it felt as if he'd never been there before, like he was a stranger in that room. She let go of his hand and climbed into the bed, looking at him. She moved to the other side, making room for Nick and he lay down beside her. Amanda turned her back to him and pressed it against his chest. Nick spooned her with his arms, holding her tight. The last thing he noticed before sleep took over, was the smell of his soap on her skin.


	7. Chapter 7

_Sorry this update took long, I've been struggling with this part a little but I hope you'll like it._

* * *

Nick woke up to the sight of Amanda's hair. His arms still held her close to him. Nick savored the moment, knowing it wouldn't last long. He felt her stir a bit and pulled her closer.

"Five more minutes" she mumbled and Nick wasn't sure if she was waking up or talking in her sleep.

"Even ten" he whispered into her hair.

"Mmmm…" this time it was clear she was awake as Amanda turned around. He loosened his hold in case she wanted to get away. But instead Amanda turned around and rested her forehead against his chest.

"Don't say anything" she whispered.

"Say what?"

"Let's just not talk" Amanda was afraid he'd ask her to forget what he had said before, about how they shouldn't be doing this. _This_ was what she needed right now, and that's what mattered, she'll think about tomorrow the next day.

Nick embraced her again and lay on his back with her in his arms "we should get up" he said a few minutes later.

"I know" she sat up and smiled shyly.

"What?" he looked at her.

"I just realize that…I'm half naked" Amanda chuckled.

"You had a problem with my boxers?" he asked mockingly.

"They were kinda uncomfortable" she confessed, her cheeks turned a tad red.

"If it's gonna make you feel better I can take mine off too…"

"You're so polite" she laughed and he got closer, caressing her thigh. Nick's touch was very gentle and he looked up at her, smiling lightly. He moved lower so his mouth was just by her thigh, reaching the skin so he could nibble on it. He kept his fingers on it too, the touch remained tender and the pecks matched it.

Amanda watched him, there was something so loving in the way he touched her she allowed herself to get lost in it, let everything else go. He was moving so slow, as if there'd be an exam on that tiny spot he's been kissing and he had to memorize it. Amanda could have urged him, but she was the one who offered not to say anything so she took her own advice and just enjoyed it.

Nick was about to speed things up a little when a sound disturbed him, taking his attention from her skin.

"Your phone" she said.

"I don't care" he wanted to taste more of her.

But whoever was calling didn't give up and Amanda pulled on his hair a little to get him to stop "answer" she said and he nodded, getting out of the bed. Nick rushed to the living room to answer the call.

Amanda got up and was about to go get her clothes from the drier when Nick returned , holding the phone "it's for you" he mouthed, looking somewhat guilty.

But his expression could not match Amanda's embarrassed look when she took the phone and heard the voice on the other line.

"None of my business" Fin said, a smirk eminent in his voice "why won't you answer yours?"

"I don't have my phone right now"

"What's going on Amanda? I had to hear from Benson someone broke into your hotel room, what's that about?"

"I don't know Fin but I'm looking into it" she shrugged "whatever it is, someone thinks I know more than I do"

"Damn Amanda, you go for a freakin' interview and end up involved in some crazy shit"

"Yeah, I'm lucky that way" she chuckled.

"Very lucky, you need help with anything?"

"Not right now, I've got some files" she didn't tell him how she was able to lay her hands on them "but thanks and I promise to call if I need you"

"Alright Amanda, just be careful…whatever you're doing"

"Don't worry Fin, it'll be fine, see you soon" she hung up and placed the phone on the bed "I feel like I'm messing things up"

"Just the opposite" he sat down next to her. He wanted to pick up where they left off but Fin's call changed the atmosphere, even though she looked incredibly sexy wearing nothing but his t-shirt, it seemed like she needed time alone.

"You want to take a shower?" he asked.

Amanda didn't react right away which made Nick think she didn't hear the question, she looked lost in thought and he called her name "Amanda?"

She turned to him upon hearing his voice. Nick was right about her thinking, replaying their conversation from last night. Amanda knew Nick must have figured most of it anyway, it wasn't the best kept secret. But telling him everything, what she's been thinking, how she's been feeling…she felt relieved, like she had someone on her corner who would be there for her, with her.

He called her name and she looked at him and connected her lips with his. Her touch was soft, just as his was against her thigh mere minutes ago. The kiss deepened. Slowly, as if it was their first kiss, they explored each other, allowing themselves to melt into the other.

Her hand caressed his cheek, and he used his to pull her into him, forcing her to turn her whole body to him. Amanda straddled him and he let go of her mouth to take a breath and to look at her beautiful face.

"You said something about a shower" she smiled.

Nick stood up, holding her tight and walked to the bathroom. He had to lower her on the floor and she yanked the shirt over her head in one quick motion while he discarded his clothes. This time they didn't move slow, he turned on the water and captured her mouth. Amanda felt herself being lifted again and held on to him as tightly as she could. Nick's right hand moved in between her legs, she sighed as his finger rubbed her clit for a few seconds while he planted kisses on her neck and shoulders. But he lost patience, needed to be inside her and she let out a curse as he entered her. There was no need for her to ask him to move faster as his thrusts were never slow or restrained. The way she moaned into his ear, the way her fingers dug into his back, and the way she felt around him. It was too good to last and the next moment an orgasm has taken over him and he exploded inside of her, he kept on moving for a few more seconds, pushing her over the edge with him.

"Damn it" Amanda was panting hard when her feet were on the floor "maybe we should shower for real quickly, I hear there's a drought" she turned her back to him and he let his arms glide over her body, cupping her breasts in his large hands, not wanting to let her go yet.

* * *

Nick opened the fridge's door and took out the eggs.

"Omelets again?" she walked to his side and planted a quick kiss on his shoulder.

"I have to go shopping" he smiled "you can have leftovers from last night if you feel like it"

"It's ok, I'll handle it" she shrugged.

Nick was done with the eggs pretty fast, making a simple omelet, and they ate together "so what now?" he asked her.

Amanda stopped eating and looked at him "I don't know…I guess we're gonna have to figure out what we're doing"

It was Nick's turn to stop "I meant the case"

"That's what I was talking about… we're gonna have to figure that" Amanda was certain he was talking about them and tried so sound confident "Hopefully there's something in the files or else I'm stuck"

"We are gonna have to talk about us at some point" he could tell she was confused when he clarified his question "there's a lot to say"

"At some point" Amanda reached her water and played with the rim of the glass, circling it "not now" all she wanted to do was go over there and wrap her arms around him, as if it was just another morning. As much as she'd love it to be, they were in different places, literally. But right now she needed it to be normal, she wanted him to be close to her. So even if this was just for another day or two, it would have to do.

Nick finished cleaning up, he insisted, yet again, to handle that. Amanda was back reading the files, sitting with her bare feet on his couch. She was reading and playing with her toes a little, something she did often.

After he was done with the dishes he walked to the couch and sat down. Amanda was staring at one page, looking very concentrated on it.

"Amanda?" he recognized the expression, she found something but wasn't very sure of it.

"This address is familiar" she raised her eyes at him and pointed on the address "but I'm not sure where from"

"Who were they trying to help?"

"It's a lawsuit against a construction company" she looked up at him "they had a site there…" she seemed lost in thought and looked away.

"What are you thinking about?' she's been quiet for a while now.

"I'm just…trying to figure this out, I feel like I'm missing the big picture"

"Why don't you think out loud, maybe it'd help" he suggested "what do you know?"

"I know that Kate hurt herself to run away, she must have been desperate to do that, she could have been out pretty soon"

"So why would she be desperate?" he asked.

"I don't know, she knew I was coming to talk to her but not why…" she stopped talking and stood up "maybe I'm just thinking about it wrong"

Nick stood up and touched her arm "trust yourself, if she felt like she had to run away because you were going to talk to her..."

"But I wasn't alone" Amanda cut in "I don't know if she knew detective Moore was with me"

"You think she was afraid of him?"

"He's the one she attacked, but she's already in prison so…" Amanda looked at him as if she just realized something "he's the one who recommended the hotel…I sound paranoid"

"You don't sound paranoid" he shook his head a little "it takes one to know one so if I say you're not – then you're not"

"Thank you" she rolled her eyes and sat back down.

"Let's say Moore has something to do with it, we need to ask ourselves why, he got a reason to think you know more than you do?" Nick sat in front of her, on the coffee table, his hands rested on his knees.

"I doubt it, clearly I don't"

"If he made sure someone breaks into your room…" Amanda didn't let him finish the sentence.

"They took the notes that other detective, Mona, gave me…I mentioned her volunteering and not knowing the name…that's the only thing I didn't know before"

"Which means that whatever this is about" he took the page she was just looking at "is here, there's another name here, another guy who's been working with Kate on this, Eric Garber"

"Let's find him, I need your phone"

Nick handed it to Amanda and she called Fin to find Eric's address. It didn't take him long to help her with it and he didn't seem to ask a lot of questions. Amanda wrote the address down and thanked him before hanging up.

"Let's go" Nick stood up.

Amanda looked up at him, smiling a little "you miss it, don't you? The job?"

"Yeah" he nodded "you could say that, I though this is what I'd do, get a promotion, be someone in the NYPD. But I screwed up, I feel like at some point I wasn't myself anymore, the person I once knew was gone and I turned into this angry man, someone I didn't even recognize"

Amanda never took her eyes off him, she knew how hurt he was by the entire situation and wanted him to let it out, has he even talked about this to anyone? Nick listened to her last night, she wanted to be there for him.

"I wish I had a time machine and fix it" he sat on the couch next to her and grabbed her hand "some things weren't supposed to last, I know that, like my marriage, but…" he looked into her eyes "I hate how I let it fall apart. I'm mostly happy here but I miss you, and what I said before…"

"I thought we weren't going to talk about this right now" she interrupted but Nick ignored it.

"I don't want your return to New York to be our goodbye, maybe we never had a proper one because we're not supposed to part, at least not without trying something" he wasn't sure what was reflected in her eyes, a yes or a no. Nick didn't give her much time to respond, he kissed her, softly touching her lips.

Amanda had no idea what they could be, living so far away from each over, their lives in completely different places. But something was better than nothing, right? Because even the slightest touch made her feel like never before and she couldn't give up on that. She deepened the kiss by pulling him closer.

Their tongues danced for a while, as if there was nothing going on, no case, no investigation, no distance.

"I feel like that's a yes" he pulled away, panting a bit.

Amanda bit her lower lip and nodded, they always seemed to get closer to each other at the craziest moments.

* * *

Nick and Amanda were in his car, he let his boss know he would be late and Amanda made a remark about his democratic schedule.

"This is the house" he parked a little farther down the street "what do you want to do?"

"Talk to him" she looked at Nick "Fin said he doesn't have a record"

"Let's hope he's at home and will talk to you" he turned his attention to the house "someone's walking over there"

"Oh shit" Amanda recognized the man entering the house.

"Who is that?" he asked, she looked stunned.

"That's Wilson, the prison's warden"


	8. Chapter 8

_I think I'm more excited than you about this update, I've been so uninspired lately and I stayed up all night to finish this chapter._

 _I know I've been updating 'The Rollaros' but that's cause it's a different kind of fic, with no storyline (which is lot of fun sometimes)._

 _But, hopefully I will be done with this story soon, there's only one more chapter left._

* * *

"The warden?" Nick looked at her "from where she escaped?"

"This just gets better and better" Amanda seemed pissed and was about to open the door to go to the house.

"What are you doing? You're going to go there, just like that?"

"Definitely not going to just sit and wait, there's no time" she opened the door but he spoke again and she turned to him.

"I'll go with you" he said.

"No, wait for me here" Amanda wasn't sure what to think, but Nick couldn't go in. How would she introduce him? He wasn't in law enforcement anymore and there was no reason for him to go there. But with everything that's been going on she also needed him to know where she was in case…something happens.

"You sure?"

"It's best" she nodded and stepped out of the car.

Amanda reached the house and knocked on the door. She had no plan, barely any knowledge on what was going on. She also had no option but to check it out.

"Can I help you?" A young man opened the door, she figured it was Eric.

"Yes" she pushed her way inside and flashed her badge "You're Eric Garber, right? I'm looking for warden Wilson"

The man was taken aback by her request and didn't say anything, but then the warden showed up, she knew he was there, hiding wasn't going to help.

"Detective" the warden walked into the room.

"Isn't this a surprise" she gave him a mocking smile "and here I thought you had no idea what's been going on"

"Who is she?" Eric looked at the older man.

"A detective from New York, she's here to question Kate.

"Except she ran away from your prison and somehow you are here, visiting someone she worked with, I'm not sure what to think, especially since I know she was the one who hurt herself"

"What are you talking about?" Eric threw a quick glance at the warden who remained silent.

"Give up on the performance" they knew what was going on, she had no doubt about it "tell me what's going on and maybe you are not going to go to jail" she looked at the warden "correct me if I'm wrong, but it's still illegal to help someone escape prison"

"I don't like what you're implying" Wilson said "but you better stop"

"Or?" she looked at him and crossed her arms "why don't I let the LAPD know about this little connection, maybe detective Moore, I'm sure he'd love to hear about this, unless he already knows"

The look that's been exchanged between Eric and Wilson was the last bit of proof she could need, the slight fear hearing Moore's name, what was the story with him and Kate?

"Whatever you're trying to hide, you have to know I'm not working with him but I will talk to him if you leave me no choice" if she had her phone she would pretend to call him, but there was no need to pretend, the warden shrugged but he nodded at Eric, approving him to tell her the truth

"Detective Moore framed her, Kate had no choice but to run because she was afraid Moore would do something, he already got her arrested"

"Are you saying she didn't hit him or that other woman?"

"It didn't happen the way he said it did, he wanted a reason to arrest her" Eric explained.

"Why would he do that?"

"Because she was onto something at that construction site, we were working on that case and she found something out. She never got a chance to tell me because the next day she got involved in this fight"

"She never told you what happened?"

"Corruption in the construction company, something about how they got contracts. She was trying to find evidence"

"So Kate had nothing?"

"She didn't tell me everything, but she was working hard to figure it out. But it's big and it's real, Kate wouldn't lie"

Amanda turned her attention to the warden "so you helped her escape?"

He didn't reply and Eric spoke up again "we don't know where she is now"

Amanda chuckled, not sure how to respond. Here she was, trying to figure out what she's gotten herself into.

"If you only wanted to question her about those dropped charges" the warden finally joined in "this has nothing to do with it, so you can leave"

"This has nothing to do with that?" Amanda asked.

"The only reason she let it go was because she didn't want it to get in the way, I told her there was no reason for her to drop the charges, but she insisted, saying she found out something big and needed to focus all of her attention on it"

"Why hasn't she shared everything with you? Seems to me you'd do anything for her, the jailbreak for example"

"I guess she didn't want to get me involved, I'm sure the detective wasn't working alone" Eric looked at the older man again and Amanda asked herself what was the connection between them. Why would a warden do something this serious, help a prisoner escape?

"You're risking a lot for her, aren't you?" she looked at Wilson "is it worth it?"

"You don't need to get involved in this" he replied "your investigation here is over, you can go back to New York"

"The thing is I won't be going back until I get to the bottom of this cause Moore thinks I'm onto something"

"What are you talking about?" Wilson asked.

"He knows I found out about Kate volunteering in Clean City and decided to see if I know more so he got someone to break into my hotel room, so you're only choice now is to help me find Kate so she could tell me what she found out"

"I wasn't lying when I told you we don't know where she is. She was supposed to wait for me but never showed up, I know something must have happened"

"Can you prove that? Do you have any idea where she could have gone to?" she raised her voice "so whether you just told me the truth or not, how am I, or you, supposed to prove it?"

"We are trying to find her" Eric replied.

"You're doing a great job with that, someone is going to do that before the two of you and you better pray it's not going to be Moore"

"That's enough detective" Wilson walked over to her "you can do whatever you choose, I doubt you're recording this so there is no proof of my involvement and I hope you understand that if you decide to share it with anybody, it's not going to help anyone"

"You're right about that" she nodded "but if you keep me out of the loop, I will not be able to help you with anything. But I'm not walking away from this, you think you're protecting Kate or yourselves, you're only digging a deeper grave"

Amanda turned away, she had something neither of them had, access to Moore. She had to find out the truth, even if it would mean staying, taking time off, whatever it takes.

Amanda was about to walk out of the front door when she heard the warden call her name "listen detective" he said and she looked at him "I don't care what you're planning, even if you're going to bring me in, keep Eric away from it"

"You're seriously asking me for something? You gave me almost nothing and you expect me to do what you ask?"

"He's not involved, you wouldn't be hiding anything"

"Why do you care, how are you connected?"

Wilson looked down for a second before answering "it's complicated, but it doesn't matter"

She took a deep breath "let me guess" complicated usually meant one thing "he's your kid?" during their conversation she noticed there was a resemblance between them.

She shrugged and walked away without saying another word. Why can't things ever be simple?

* * *

Nick waited impatiently in the car, staring at the house, wondering if he should go in there, make sure she was breathing. Waiting was hard, specially since he really had no excuse to show up. Time was passing especially slow until she finally emerged.

He could tell from her body language she wasn't satisfied with whatever happened "well?" he asked once she was in the car.

"Drive" she told him and he complied.

"It's a freaking mess" she gave him a brief recap.

"You think it's true?" he glanced at her.

"Kinda" Amanda shrugged "why would someone break into my room if they didn't think I was onto something? And it had to do with Clean City, the break in happened after that so…"

"What do you want to do now?"

"I need to find more information. If somebody bothered to frame her and put her in prison, something that would make her seem unreliable…she was probably on to something serious"

"But you don't know where she is or if there's any proof"

"This is what bothers me, where is she? They helped her escape and she just ran away…it makes no sense"

"What's our next move?" the 'our' slipped out, but Nick liked it, thinking about them as being a team.

"I think we should got to the other source, Moore"

"Talk to him?"

Amanda shook her head, what would she ask him "we need to find his connection to the construction company I guess, what do you think?"

"You're right, but maybe you should try and find her first, start from the smallest things. If this is true than I doubt it's the first time he used his power"

"Then he probably knows how to hide it, we can check his financial information but I have a feeling we won't find anything"

"There has to be something somewhere"

"In plain sight" she said and Nick gave her a puzzled look "if he's using his job for whatever's going on, he probably keeps something at his desk, it's the last place you'd look"

"You're gonna have trouble going through his things with no one noticing"

"Yeah" suddenly her lips curved into a smile.

"What?"

"You just gave me an idea" she said.

* * *

"Detective Rollins!" captain Charles stood up and smiled when she knocked on the door of his office "I've tried calling you a couple of times, but no answer, is everything ok?"

"It's silly, but I dropped my phone and I'm afraid it died" she shrugged "I guess it happens"

"I thought you went back to New York without saying goodbye"

"I wasn't going to do that, I actually decided to take a few days off, spend some time in your beautiful city"

"That's our gain"

"I will be going back tomorrow morning, so I thought now would be the best time for a farewell, I haven't missed detective Reynolds and Moore, have I?" She knew they were gone, Nick and her were waiting in his car until they left.

"They are out, I'm afraid, but I will tell them you said goodbye" he shook her hand "it was a pleasure working with you and I'm sorry you couldn't get anything for your case"

"Win some, lose some" she smiled "thanks again captain" she walked out of his office and turned towards the bathrooms. This was a risk, but she had to do it.

Amanda looked at the wall, it was now or never. She pulled the fire alarm, hearing it's sound. She heard people asking what's going on and then the captain's voice filled the room.

"Ok people, everyone out, you too Albert…this is not a drill, I think" it took less than a minute until the only sound in her ears was the alarm.

She ran into the squad room, thankfully it was empty so she had a few seconds. She started frantically going through Moore's desk, she looked in the drawers first. The clock was ticking and she tried to take pictures using Nick's phone and if something seemed important she just took it. A minute later she heard voices and knew time was up. She disappeared into the bathroom and stayed there for ten more minutes.

* * *

Nick smiled when he saw her approaching the car "how did it go?"

"Not as exciting as you might think" she winked.

Nick drove back to his place so they could go over what she was able to gather. He handed her a glass of water and sat next to her on the couch. Amanda leaned back and scooted over to him, her shoulder almost touching his "I love it when I don't know what I'm looking for" she smiled at him.

"Why don't we start with anything out of the ordinary, if he's a homicide detective let's look at what's not connected to that"

They were looking at the pictures and some of the pages Amanda brought. But nothing made sense or looked out of the ordinary.

"This is leading nowhere" she puffed and placed the phone on the couch.

"Hey" Nick placed his hand on her knee "I know this is confusing but if anyone can do it, it's you" she rolled her eyes at him but he ignored it, he moved closer to her and looked deep into her eyes "you are going to figure it out because you are an incredible detective, trust your instincts"

"I like this pep talking Nick" she grinned.

"What I heard was 'I like Nick' " he raised a brow.

"Maybe you should get your hearing checked, you clearly misheard me" Amanda grazed his lips with her finger.

"What did you say?" he asked mockingly.

"I said" she sat up straight and since he didn't budge her mouth almost touched his, he really wanted to kiss her but let her control the situation "I really, really like you"

"Really?" he asked and she nodded.

Nick said she should trust her instincts and what they were telling her was to take a breather. Think about something else. Nick's lips were a pretty good distraction and she allowed her mouth to touch his, let her fingers play with his hair while they slowly deepened the kiss.

They kissed for a few minutes, making short breaks for air. They pulled away and he rested his forehead against hers.

"Feel better?" he asked.

"You just want me to say you have something to do with that"

"Amanda, you are so hard to please" he kissed her lips again.

"Not that hard" she laughed "you're not half bad…"

She suddenly pulled away entirely and Nick wasn't sure what happened, he gave her a worried look but she nodded and went back to looking at the few pages that were now on the floor.

Bad.

It got her thinking about Mona's bad handwriting and that made her think of something she saw on one of them "look at this" she pointed at a few words "looks like an address"

It was a small line, it was clear someone has scribbled it in a haste. It wasn't very clear and Nick helped by searching a few options on his computer until they were able to find something.

"Looks like there are many warehouses there, not the worst place to conduct dodgy business ventures"

"All that's left is to go there" she stood up "I'm gonna need your keys, ok?"

"I'm going with you" Nick said.

"You can't, I don't know what's going on there, if there's anything at all. But I can't let you take the risk"

Nick got off the couch too "I'm not going to let you take the risk, I'll wait outside, that's fine by me, but I don't want you to do this alone"

She didn't want to argue, it would be just a waste of time "let's go then"

* * *

"If you take too long…" he warned her. They were parked not too far from the address, it looked like an abandoned building.

"I will be fine" she sounded confident, even though it was mostly an act.

"Be careful"

"I will"

"Amanda" he called her name, just wanting to say it, see her beautiful eyes.

"Don't worry Nick" she caressed his arm and left.

This wasn't the best idea, walking into this situation, not knowing what to expect. They stopped briefly on the way to get a phone so she could use the camera on Nick's phone. That was her only weapon. But she wasn't going to back down.

Amanda turned the camera on, and carefully walked inside. She thought she heard a voice and made her way to it's direction.

"You can't be serious" it was Moore, she could see him, but the other man was hidden.

"I am, handle it" he stopped talking and Amanda heard his footsteps, he was gone a few seconds later, must have left from another exit.

"Hey" Moore shouted and Amanda followed him with her eyes, keeping the camera on him. He wasn't talking to her though, he moved to another side of the room and looked down "you ok?" if there was an answer Amanda couldn't hear it, who was he talking to?

"Tell me where it is and I'll let you go"

Amanda tried to figure out how she could get closer without him noticing her, she would have to get help, but what was going on? She walked from the other side, trying not to make a sound, but the floor was covered with wraps and carton boxes it was hard to find a spot she could step in.

Amanda still couldn't hear the person he was talking to which didn't ease her worries. Her feet failed her and she stepped on something, making a noise. There was nowhere to hide and the moment Moore turned he saw her.

"I see I have an uninvited guest" he smiled unpleasantly.

The moment Amanda realized she was busted she placed the phone in her pocket so he couldn't tell the camera was on.

"Nice place you have here" she said and moved closer to him, he had a gun in his hand but kept in off of her, she had a feeling it wasn't going to last. Amanda was now able to see who he was talking to, it was Kate. They must have figured out where she was and caught her.

"I think you're in trouble" she tried to asses Kate's situation, her eyes were barely open.

"You are the one in trouble detective" he looked at her "ever heard the expression don't bring a knife to a gun fight? Seems like you don't even have that"

"She needs an ambulance" Amanda ignored his words.

"You will need that too, unless you leave now and forget about it" he raised his gun a little "but I have a feeling you are not going to do that, so…" he pointed it at her.

"You're going to kill a detective?" she looked straight at him "how are you going to explain that?"

"Won't have to" he shrugged.

"People know I'm here, they are on to you"

"No" he shook his head "we're not going to have this conversation, the only words we will be exchanging are goodbye"

She needed to contact Nick, but there was no time. Amanda was about to speak again when they heard a familiar sound, a siren.

She was surprised as he was, but used it for her advantage "I don't think you will be able to flee on time Moore, just give up and confess, who are you working for?"

He smiled and lowered his gun, there was no use for him to hurt her now. He glanced at Kate, she knew too much.

Amanda didn't get a chance to take one more step before he shot the other woman.

"Moore!" they both turned to see detective Reynolds "what the hell?"

The next person that showed up was the captain, he exchanged a look with Reynolds and gestured at Moore.

"We need a bus" Amanda said as Reynolds walked to Moore and took the gun away from him.

He arrested Moore, reading him his rights as one of the officers who walked in after the captain called for help. But it was too late, Kate was gone the moment he shot.


	9. Chapter 9

_This is the last chapter, I finished it sooner than expected and didn't want to make you wait. Hope you like this and hope you enjoyed the story as a whole._

 _Thank you so much for reading._

* * *

Amanda gave her statement, handed them the phone so they could download the video. The captain nodded at her, didn't say a word while she spoke. He kept the warden's name out of it, if he was only trying to help her she didn't want him to get hurt by it. They asked her to stay another day in case they needed more and Amanda agreed. She called Fin and told him about everything.

"Hey" Nick said when she sat in his car, giving him his phone.

"Can you drive me to the car? I think I should get my phone back"

After checking her messages she drove the rental car to Nick's place. He made her some eat from the leftovers and they ate quietly.

"I called the station" he confessed and she looked up at him "I know you didn't want me to get involved and I left an anonymous tip, I'm sorry but…" he knew Kate was dead and knowing Amanda she'd blame herself for it.

"You did the right thing" she said "I should have…done something else, and now we don't even know why, Moore isn't going to talk"

Nick nodded and finished the food, he was about to take her empty plate to the sink but she stopped him.

"It's my turn" she said and smiled.

Nick followed her to the kitchen and wrapped his arms around her as she finished washing them. She turned around after she wiped her hands. Amanda caressed his back, her touch was tender and Nick loved it.

She needed more of him and pulled his mouth onto hers. The kiss was gentle so he knew it wasn't about forgetting, it was about being with each other, they didn't have much time left and he wasn't going to waste it. Nick lifted her up in her arms and carried her to his bedroom.

She started working on his shirt the moment they were inside and Nick helped her getting it off. Once his chest was bare Amanda's lips moved to taste his skin. Nick didn't mind taking it slow, he enjoyed the way she kissed his collar bone while her hands rested on his lower back. He was lost in her movements and didn't notice she started working on his belt, freeing him from his pants. She pushed him onto the bed and undressed him.

She smiled looking at his naked body and he reached for her, wanting to take her clothes off. She straddled him, kissing the side of his face. Nick pulled her shirt off and she found her way back to his mouth while he worked on taking her bra off. The moment it was on the floor Nick turned them around and laid her on the bed. He parted from her lips and made his way down her body, he kissed her neck, nibbled on her collar bone, teased her nipples and took his time tasting her lower abdomen until he reached her pants. He opened the belt and unzipped them with his lips attached to her skin. The only thing on his mind was her, the way she tasted, the way she made him feel.

He took her clothes off, leaving them both completely exposed. He loved looking at her, it wasn't just her beauty, there was no denying she was absolutely gorgeous. But he felt like now that she was so close he was able to breath, in a way he hasn't been able to for a long time.

Nick lay on top of her, feeling her skin under his "I love you" he whispered and entered her, Nick didn't look for a reply, the moan she let out told him everything.

* * *

They stayed in bed for a while, kissing, touching each other. It was hard for them to stay away.

"I can't get enough of you" he nibbled on her ear.

"Good thing you don't have to" she turned her face to him and he captured her lips. Her phone rang and he pulled away.

"Maybe you should answer" he said "it's the third time already"

She didn't want to leave the bed or Nick's embrace but whoever it was, he's been trying to reach her for a while. Amanda wrapped the blanket around her body and walked to the living room.

"Rollins" she answered.

"It's captain Charles" the man on the other line said "I'm calling to ask you to come by tomorrow morning, around ten a.m."

"Ok, I'll be there"

"Good, see you then" he hung up and Amanda sat down on the couch. What now? She told them everything, almost everything. But they were stuck, Kate was dead and whatever proof she had - there was no way for them to find it. Moore was experienced so he probably looked everywhere for it, used the time she was imprisoned, tried to force her to talk after she fled.

They had no idea who was the man he was talking to and Moore refused to help. He wasn't going to testify against whoever he worked for.

"Who was that?" Nick walked out of the bedroom, wearing only his boxers.

"The captain asked me to come by the station tomorrow" Nick sat down beside her and she leaned into him "the airline must hate me with all the times I've changed my flight"

He wanted to tell her to cancel it altogether but didn't get a chance to speak as Amanda fell asleep in his arms.

* * *

Amanda woke up to the smell of coffee and got out of bed. She realized Nick must have taken her back here after she fall asleep on the couch. She put on one of his shirts and walked to the bathroom before joining him.

"Morning" Nick smiled when she walked into the kitchen "no omelets today" he greeted her with a kiss.

"Finally" she teased.

"I had time to do some shopping after you fell asleep" Nick handed her a cup of coffee.

"I'm not really hungry, but the coffee is much appreciated" it tasted good.

They sat at the table and Nick ate a sandwich while she finished her drink "you want me to drive you to the station later?"

"Don't you have to work?" she smiled "I have the rental car so it's gonna be fine"

"I had fun driving you around" he finished with the food and looked at her "I had fun with you"

"We weren't supposed to, but yeah, we had some fun"

"Amanda" he got serious "we need to decide what we're doing, we agreed to try this long distance thing and…"

"You changed you mind?"

"No way" he shook his head, afraid she might have "you?"

"No, I just don't want to make to many plans, I don't know if it works for us, all the planning ahead. How about we just see each other once in a while, you come by to New York, I'll fly here" she shrugged "let's not over think this, or else we might not like the conclusion"

"Tell you what, next weekend you have off I'll fly over there and we can…have fun again"

"I like the sound of that" she got up and planted a kiss on his lips.

* * *

"Sit down detective" captain Charles gestured at the chair in front of his desk, there was another woman in the office and she introduced herself.

"I'm ADA Laura Adler"

"Amanda Rollins" she shook her hand.

"I know" the ADA smiled and sat on the edge of the desk "I don't know if you saw the news, but the police chief had to make a statement last night, we've been trying to see how deep this was going but as you can guess detective Moore isn't saying a word"

"We're launching an investigation, we need to know exactly who's involved" Charles said.

"I suppose you have to" did he really have to ask her to the station for that?

"That's going to be the DA's office job" he continued "ADA Adler here will be in charge. But we're also gonna have to go through Moore's cases, since I doubt this was a one time thing we've been getting calls about other misconducts, lawyers will want to reopen closed cases, we will have a lot on our plate"

"You did have a dirty cop here for years"

"Yes, well" he took a deep breath "we are in a pickle here, but we aren't going to wait. There's going to be a team looking at his cases again, reinvestigating them, you could say"

Amanda nodded, she still had no idea why they bothered to tell her in person.

"What captain Charles is trying to say" Laura spoke "is that we're gonna need someone from outside to be in charge, this team will report to the captain here and to me"

"We think you can be that person" Charles looked at her, Amanda wasn't sure she heard right so he repeated the offer "since you're the one who ended up bringing this thing to light I believe you can do it, if you're interested"

"I understand you passed the sergeant exam back in New York and you will have to take it again here, but you will be the head of this team, it could be amazing for your career…" the ADA kept on talking about pros and cons but Amanda wasn't really listening anymore.

This could be a good opportunity, heading her own team. It would also mean a lot of paper work, politics, especially with something so high profiled.

"If you say yes we will forget about you pulling the fire alarm" the captain chuckled "but you don't have too much time to think about it"

"We want to have this team up and running soon, there's a lot to handle so we're gonna need an answer in the next couple of days" Laura stood up "Yes or no detective, the captain will wait for your call"

* * *

Amanda looked around at the people in the room, different genders, different ages. Some were already seated in a circle, others looked anxious as they paced or leaned on a wall. A few talked to each other. Two guys tasted the dull cookies on the table and a woman poured herself a cup of the tasteless coffee. Amanda already knew not to make that mistake and bought a cup on her way there. A few minutes later everybody took a seat and the meeting started.

"My name's Amanda and I'm a gambler" she said when it was her turn.

"Hey Amanda" everyone replied.

"A long time ago, when I was in one of my first meetings, an older man shared his story with us, how low he'd fallen, how he lost…everything. That word, everything, sometimes sound so simple, but for him, he really lost all he ever had, money, job, family. Then he told us how he got clean, turned his life around and…I remember sitting there, my feelings shifting from disbelief, jealousy to being happy for him. I left that meeting wondering if it's possible, if someone like me could get to that place and the answer is yes" she smiled shyly "the answer is that it can get better and I feel like it has for me. I know there's always going to be a struggle. It's always going to be a part of me, something I will have to overcome, but I know that I can handle it, I can fight it, because I have GA, I have people who care about me and I care about them, I have strength. We all do, even when it seems like we don't" Amanda smiled again, thinking about the last thing she wanted to say "and the part we've lost, we can get it back again, I know I have"

The GA meeting was over a while later and Amanda walked to her car, she had a text from Nick _'can you get more popcorn?_ "

* * *

Nick walked to the kitchen hearing Zara and Gil laughing "what's going on?" he gave them a questioning look.

"Nothing" Zara tried to calm down.

"Doesn't sound like it" he walked to them.

"She just dropped the entire popcorn bowl" Gil smiled.

Frannie walked over to the kids and smelled the food on the floor.

"Can she eat that?" Zara looked at Nick.

"I don't know, but let's not find out" he pulled Frannie away and patted her "in the meantime you two are going to clean this up"

"Do we have more, dad?"

"I'll check, why did you make it now, Amanda's not gonna be here for a while"

"We wanted to try it" Zara replied "can't have movie night with bad popcorn"

"Can't have it without any" Gil opened a few cupboards, trying to find more.

"I'll ask Amanda to buy more" he ruffled Zara's hair "didn't know you cared about it so much"

"She's the popcorn expert" Gil joked.

"Very funny" she gave him a light punch.

* * *

"You saved the day" Nick kissed Amanda when she showed up with the popcorn.

"Like always" she smiled and took her jacket off.

"Hey Amanda" Zara walked into the room "we've been dying to find out the movie dad chose"

"Me too" she smiled "don't know if he's gonna top Gil's choice from last time"

They all got comfortable in the living room, Zara sat down on the floor, Frannie in her lap, Gil was sitting on the armchair, holding the bowl and handing it to Zara once in a while.

Amanda and Nick were on the couch, she rested her head on his shoulder and played with the hair on the back of his neck. He gave her a peck and wrapped an arm around her. Movie night was their tradition, something they started when Amanda moved in with him.

Their long distance plan had to be scrapped, but neither felt bad about it. She took the job knowing it would be a good move for her career, but also a good thing for her personal life.

"Love you" she whispered in his ear as the movie started and he pulled her closer, loving how perfect if felt, how perfect she fit into his family.

* * *

-The end (or the beginning of another spin off)-


End file.
